Index of Posts

These are all the posts that have appeared on this blog. Click the title to read the post.

 

2013: The year in reruns
50 shapes of chicken
A 100th Post Party – with awards and everything!
A boy’s natural biological urge to vacuum
A boy’s recipe for toast and good will
A chicken in every pot and a child in every arm: good luck trying to eat the chicken
A child of the world
A Christmas Tree named Chaos
A father’s Thanksgiving
A four-year-old does what a four-year-old has to do
A game nobody wins
A good zoo will have some animals to compliment its train
A Land Shark is born: baby’s first tooth
All the daddies do it
All this sentimental garbage
Always play safe in Thunderdome
And the award for Parent of the Most Civilized Pooping Child goes to . . .
A night in the life
An old dog’s new trick: asking for help
Another week of Halloween in the books
Are there any Godzillas in the audience tonight?
Armageddon diaper
A roundabout way of saying thank you
A simple (breakfast) plan
A smile for yesterday
As you embark upon your journey through life, don’t forget your Lunchables
At home with Don Quixote
A toddler for all seasons
A true Superstar delivers the pasta
Baby’s first television theme song
Baby steps toward superstardom
Bar tender, my darling, let’s have another round over here!
Basketball preempted by Japanese animation and one fast German lady
Basking on borrowed time
Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like a house with the right kind of bed in it
Besieged by sleepy barbarians
Beyond memories: a father’s legacy
Big Brother and [TOP SECRECT – Name Redacted] up in a tree, K. I. S. S. I. N. G.
Bonding with the baby bump
Boobies of knowledge
Books: so much more appealing when they have covers
Brotherly love: the bruise that keeps on giving
Buster’s birthday bash
Can a baby get some credit?
Can you crawl to the kitchen and get me some juice?
Christmas advice for boys
Christmas and presents
Christmas: Let’s do this thing!
Cleanup on aisle two
Come sit in the love
Congratulations, it’s an abstinence zealot!
Conversations with my wife: Boob on fire
Conversations with my wife: Chicken, waffles, and the dry heaves
Conversations with my wife: Early birds
Conversations with my wife: Interpreting motherhood
Conversations with my wife: Royal Deodorant
Conversations with my wife: Yogurt Cups
Conversations with my wife: “Montessori”
Conversations with my wife: Battlefields
Conversations with my wife: Prison
Crying and toilets and snacks, oh my!
Cue the vultures
Dad, can I have a Sugar Mama?
Dad: the unauthorized biography
Daddy may not be very bright, but he still makes an awesome stick figure
Daddy’s alternate ending to “Love You Forever”
Daddy’s just a big faker
Dads need to go outside and play in the fresh air too, apparently
Dandelion whine
Day 17,940
Dear Santa, please bring us a gift that really sucks this Christmas
Desensitized to parenthood
Dessert: a good eater’s just deserts
Dispatches from the Delivery Room, Part 1: It’s a Madhouse!
Dispatches from the Delivery Room, Part 2: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Labor Pain
Doctor say it bleeding
Don’t expect William Henry Harrison to do you any favors
Don’t let your own spittle get the best of you
Don’t look a gift dad in the mouth
Don’t start a crawl you can’t finish
Driving lessons from a preschool graduate
Easter enjoyed by all, despite egg infestation
Eavesdropping on the class of 2026
Einstein didn’t have to poop on the potty!
El Nino goes on Spring Break
Everywhere I turn, somebody’s growing up
Exposed: the toddler battle plan
Faulty nipples, puke, and war paint (just another day at home)
Five years of trading bacon (and it’s only the beginning)
Flag football: a sport where getting in the way is a useful skill
Football, putting the kids to bed, and other rough sports
Forget about the gold, we’re going for the purple
For Mommy
From the mouths of babes: new medical terms
Gentlemen is just a fancy word for girls
Germany rules when Germany makes the rules
Get ready for the best bike ride ever! . . . Um, is anybody getting ready?
Ginger and his brother, Mary Ann: a nicknaming debacle
Give a blog some credit
Give up your lost cause, Daddy
Going commando is what you make of it
Going on tour by sitting in the same spot
Gone Boy
Got them low-down, no-good, bottle-feeding blues
Grown man seeks help of preschooler to outwit toddler
Grown-ups don’t play with toys; they have hobbies
Guess who isn’t buried in Lincoln’s Tomb
Halloween II: Sins of the father
Halloween off the record
Happy birthday, little Wahoo Wahoo
Happy New Year! Now, here’s something you could work on
Happy Thanksgiving, now let’s talk about Christmas
Have a good day at your dangerous job in outer space, Daddy
Hay still smells good, but Daddy’s done with cows
He ain’t hungry, he’s my brother
Heaven is boring
History, trains, dinosaurs, trains, airplanes, and mostly trains
Home is where the warm, cozy blankets are
Houston, we have splashdown
How Daddy’s reading comprehension skills died a slow death
How neglecting lawn maintenance killed the dinosaurs
How to drive a toddler over the edge
I can tell you are a Superstar from your healthy snacks
I’d like to thank all the little people
I don’t like having to fire you, Daddy, but you leave me no choice
I get by with a little help from my sons
I have a limited attention span, partially developed motor skills, and little perception of what you hope to accomplish; you need my help
I’ll return your call as soon as the baby gives me my phone back
In 1975 backpacks were for hikers and all my school supplies fit in my pocket
In a perfect world every child would get their own cow eyeball
In Hell everybody wears a onesie
“I wanna do it!”
I wouldn’t exploit you if I didn’t love you so much
I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t know everything
If I can’t find your kindergarten, you’ll have to be homeschooled
If you can’t stand the heat, don’t install a molten lava floor in your kitchen
If young animals whined like human children
If you give a skunk a candy bar
If you have any housework that requires throwing stuff, I’m your man
If you want to keep your feet, Daddy, stay on your toes
I’ll ask Santa if he’ll come back next year
I’ll trade you my virus for your bacterial infection
I love you, Halloween, but this relationship is moving too quickly for me
I love you just the way you are, but you can grow up any time now
I’m waiting for you to become a reasonable human
I’m the Einstein of chicken strips
Into each life some shrimp must fall, but too much is falling in mine
Is it too late to rename them Barry, Robin, and Maurice?
Is the sibling who was mean to you in this courtroom today?
Is this the preschool for the kids who are going to be brain surgeons?
It may not qualify as a cherished childhood memory
It’s Absolute Mayhem! And this time, my children are not the cause
It’s a long story
It’s a loose interpretation
It’s bedtime, so cuddle up with your favorite paperweight and go to sleep
It’s my party and I’ll nap where I want to
It’s party time! Again.
It will be quiet someday; meanwhile, let’s have some noise
Just put the ball through the hoop; it’s that simple
Keep your creepy nightmares in your own wing of the castle
Keep your jelly beans in perspective and your thumbs where you can find them
Kid catcher
Kids are creepy
Kids are STILL creepy: a horror story sequel
Killing me softly with yogurt
Kindergarten’s first hard lesson: It’s a morning people’s world
Lady parts and miracles
Learning + play – learning = fun
Lessons from the great heifer attack of 1974
Let me throw a little compassion at you
Let’s all go for a ride in the clown car
Let’s just move to Alaska so we don’t have to go to bed at all
Let’s keep playing Uno until your eyes glaze over!
Let the game come to you
Life as an interchangeable part
Lightning Boy, a.k.a. Kid Molasses
Local boy avoids 257 bone fractures in one day
Looking for a special friend, sailor?
Lots of mammals would kill to have my thumbs
Make a wish and blow out the candles on your bacon
Make yourself comfortable, you little freak
Meeting Robert E. Lee
Meet the Spartans – or not
Memories in cardboard
Mice Capades: Part 1
Mice Capades: Part 2
Milk it while it’s still cute, kid
Misinformed tree brings thorns to chainsaw fight
Money for nothing (and some chips for free)
Monster Trucks: Every bit as good as a sharp stick in the eye
Mr. Washington’s sauna
My kid is really sharp . . . and I’m running low on bandages
My vacation in handcuffs
Name that tune – the home edition
New goat technology befuddles older generation
Nobody knows where little brothers come from
No country for young boys
No girls allowed
Nothing lime can stay
Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a bear attack
Nothing says Winter like some long Summer days
No, we’re not really morning people
Oh, Christmas Tree! Oh, Christmas Tree! We’ll try not to break you too much
Once there was a mother
One day in Berlin
One year of Snoozing on the Sofa: Are you feeling refreshed yet?
Only the one-zillionth blog about parenting; maybe someday the idea will catch on
Onward Christian toddlers
Our Christmas with PEZidents Lincoln and Garfield
Our friend, Mr. Lincoln
Our usual boyhood shenanigans are interrupted for this important announcement
Pictures at an Exhibition: First Grade parent-teacher conference
Please, please, please, don’t abuse the magic word
Poop your Butt!
Pride and baby gates goeth before a fall
Protect your parts
Puking with a quiet dignity
Put your head on my shoulder, dammit!
Quit clobbering me with happiness!
Quit making me laugh; I’m trying to be mad at you!
Rain, rain, Trick-or-Treat, and rain
Reading is fun, except for all those words
Reading, writing, and romance
Reflections inspired by a German class for second graders
Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated
Road trip: Hell on wheels
Scorn is fundamental
SEAL Team Four and a Half
Secrets of the universe traded for pocket change and snacks
Should I immunize my child against the scourge of adverbs?
Sibling rivalry: Talking Dogs versus The Loop of Agony
Sit at this desk and look busy so Daddy can retire
Skunk Boy meets the Owl Woman
Some like it hot
So you want to build a Mega Bloks helicopter with your kids: FAQ
Stand up and lie like a man!
Stop acting like a child, kid!
Stuck training the new guy
Thankfulness run amok
Thanksgiving’s minor blessings
The affection police are coming to hug you away
The best 10 years, so far
The blog days of August
The boys’ guide to optimal utilization of toy trains and real dads
The children’s menu cut & paste game
The elf couldn’t make it to the shelf this year; he’s serving a life sentence in the closet
The family that shops together . . . ends up with a cart full of junk food
The gift of an hour
The hunter becomes the hunted
The increase in bumps and bruises indicates we have entered the Christmas Season
The joy of no more poopy pants
The little kid with the big wig
The new breed of mountain men: more cute, less mountainy
The perfect knock-knock joke
The precious gems of childhood
The price of too much free stuff
There’s a Take Your Child to Work Day that has nothing to do with the babysitter not showing up
The recliner of brotherly love
The right man for the job
The road to Hell is paved with Pampers
The stubborn contrarian doesn’t fall far from the tree
The Terrible Twos wait for no one
The three words that best describe you are Stink, Stank, Stunk
The urinal whisperer
The world according to Buster
The year I peaked as a manly man
There’s a storm brewing: the baby is mobile
The secret league of horrible parents
The Tooth Fairy doesn’t work weekends
They don’t make it easy on Santa
This is how they do it in the UK
This little piggy led a jailbreak, and this little piggie’s on the lam
This miracle will require smelling salts
This peace offering is for the birds
This tail was made for pulling
Those Germans sound like they’re telling a really good story
Three boys at play vs. a natural disaster: who can tell the difference?
Three boys who built a nation
Three solid hours of non-refundable simulated deafness
Thursday morning in pictures
To have loved and lost in the mall play area
To Mom, from your boys
Top academic priority: study the playground
Tree goes up; alcohol consumption goes down
“Trick-or-Character Development” – Halloween makes us better men
Truth is stranger than fiction, and has better acting
Unexpected shortfall in U.S. cheese sauce reserves triggers chaos in pasta futures market
Violence was not the answer today; we’ll try it again tomorrow
Waiting for a bottle of scotch together counts as family time
Way of the peaceful toddler
We’d all be sunk without her
We don’t need no stinking scarves; we’ve got fun to keep us warm
We got game – family style
We got the milk, now let’s tackle those cookies
We hope you had fun at our Christmas potty
Welcome to the real world; here’s your cheese sandwich
We’re goin’ over the wall tonight
We’re not laughing at your tears; we’re laughing with them
We’re not sure how birds or bees fit into the story
We’re trying to respect your personal space, Santa
What Mommy does
What’s another syndrome among family?
What’s in a Christmas stocking?
What the cat heard us say
When done playing, switch baby to OFF position
When in doubt, sound it out – or just take a wild guess
When Virgos attack
Where are your boob holes when you need them?
Where have you hidden my manhood this time?
Where thumbs go to die
Which way to the woods?
Whine for two
Who invited Batman?
Whose turn is it to run away?
Who stole my beautiful moment?
Who’s the weirdo with the stroller?
Why are cows so smart?
Why can’t you appreciate art, Daddy?
Why can’t you see what I’m thinking?
Why I wouldn’t harm a fly (in October)
Will work for toys
Winter dreams
Yes, I was raised in a barn. Thank you for asking.
You are my sunshine, but not necessarily my only sunshine
You boys will make fine young cavemen someday
You can almost smell the love
You can compete for a gold medal as soon as family time is over
You can lead a kid to water, but it might cost you
You have one job, and one job only
You kids can’t have nice things
You sold your right to rest, old man
You want to name him what?
You work for me now
You’re wasting everybody’s time, Daddy
Your crime spree is over, Daddy
Your Christmas presents have been diverted to Bolivia
Your jokes are stale and your nipples are useless
Zoo of shattered illusions
Zoo update: Bald Eagle hoax continues

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