You want to name him what?

In a couple of months, we will be welcoming our third boy child into the world. The thought of this glorious event is sometimes enough to make me want to run screaming into the night.

Don’t get me wrong; I love the idea of having a third son to share all the love and lumps with. If I can teach my growing brood to annoy, charge, and tackle each other, they will have less time to do those things to me. Plus, in those moments when their demons are sleeping and their testosterone is quieted to a slow simmer, there will be one more example of fleeting sweetness to enjoy for 3-5 minutes fortnightly.

The part that tempts me to share my terror with the neighbors at 2 a.m. has to do with practical matters. Will he eat the groceries we’ve clipped coupons for? Will I ever be alone with my wife again? Did I just push back my retirement until NEVER? Will our Golden Years be constructed of tin and duct tape?

Before getting caught up in these long-term worries, I guess we should tackle the more pressing issues, like deciding upon a name for Baby Number Three that is shorter and more endearing than Baby Number Three.

The first time my wife and I ever put our heads together to think up a baby name, it went swimmingly. We amicably agreed upon the perfect name . . . for a girl. We’ve held onto that name, and the memory of that peaceably-reached agreement, through nearly three boys. The names of the first two were bitter struggles.

99,999 more than we need

How about a book of just one name that we both can agree upon? Imagine all the trees that would save.

Neither of us is above compromise though, which is why our first two sons have names at all. Somehow, we found two boys’ names with which we both can live. I am not certain there are more than two boys’ names with which we both can live. This is why we have not yet bothered to discuss naming the impending child.

We have no desire to enter into that fray again, so we avoid it. This will continue to be a good strategy until that moment when a hospital administrator approaches my wife’s bedside with a clipboard in hand and a gaping blank on her page. Then, the wheeling and dealing will be fast and furious and the result may not be worth the already-spent nine months of peace.

still can't agree on a name

I feel like this whole baby name debate has aged me. (Image: Harris & Ewing)

Fellow Blogger, Don, from Don of All Trades, has hinted that we should name this child after him. While I agree that Don is the perfect name for those already named it, I hesitate to add another one to the population.  Don of All Trades has a catchy ring to it, but there’s hardly room for a middle name, and the kids might shorten it to DOAT, which has an awkward sound to it.

Perhaps we should auction off the naming rights. The proceeds might alleviate some of my other fears and it avoids the fight that’s brewing. Any bidders?

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22 comments on “You want to name him what?

  1. Lolly says:

    Maybe something that flows well with the other two boys’ names? Something he won’t get a hellacious nickname out of either lol

  2. Good luck with that. Mike and I have agreed on almost everything throughout our 35 year marriage with the exception of our children’s names. LOL

  3. Your dismissal of my name so readily is hurtful, my friend. If you won’t do that, then might I suggest a name that rhymes with the other boys’ names? Perhaps go the “Boy Named Sue” route to toughen him up? It all depends on what you envision for his future. If you want him to be a professional wrestler, then just name him Smash or Hulk or Brickhouse. Let him grow into what his name forces him to become. Good luck! We named Ace with no trouble, months before she was born. When she came out, she looked Ace enough that we stuck with it. The boys were another story altogether…so much conflict….

    • You’ll never know the sleepless nights I spent considering the pros and cons of your name, Don. It was a difficult decision, but I had to get some rest after all. Girls’ names seem to be less of a problem. Maybe both parents want something pretty. With boys, the mom usually wants a sensitive intellectual named Ethan, while the dad wants a tough guy named Brock. For the record, Ethan and Brock advanced no farther than Don.

  4. At least if you’re not going to like the name, you should at least make some money off of it. Good luck with that.

  5. Traci says:

    If you wait until your wife has an epidural saturating her veins, you may be able to name the kid whatever you want while she sleeps it off. But then you may need pain medicine once she wakes up and discovers what you’ve done . . .

  6. Sarah says:

    Jason. Jonah. Jeremy. Jeremiah. Jesus, Hey-soos, not Jeez-us.

  7. Aurora says:

    My husband and I had the same sort of issue. We agreed on a girls name pretty much right from the start, but were still trying to choose a boys name well late into the pregnancy. I don’t think we had the name chosen for sure until the last couple of weeks. I would have been more content with something a bit old-fashioned but not unheard of. My husband however wanted something very different, seeing as well have an extremely common last name. It wasn’t easy finding a name that was very distinct, uncommon, but still easy to pronounce and spell. I caved in and agreed to let my husband’s original choice of name be our son’s middle name even if I am still not crazy about it. The first name we chose as a compromise was Thor. It has gotten us some sideways glances from a few people, but for the most part people really seem to like the name. (thankfully it actually seems to suit our son fairly well)

  8. A. van Nerel says:

    Ever heard of that Swedish kid whose name is pronounced ‘Albin’? It’s spelled ‘Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116’ by the way. I should add I am not making this up: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naming_law_in_Sweden

    Perhaps this may help you and your wife in striking a compromise if it comes to that. I’m pretty sure any compromise will be better that Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116, or Brf, as I like to call him.

  9. yearstricken says:

    Have you asked the boys their ideas? I bet they’ve got some good ones.

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