I am a fiftyish man who came to marriage and parenthood later than most. My wife and I have three boys: a 9th grader, a 5th grader, and a 3rd grader. I don’t know how I possibly could have handled marriage or parenthood in my younger days, before the wisdom of age taught me how to deal with such shady characters as wives and children.
My boys are good kids, but they are boys. This means I could get a kneecap whacked with a hammer at any time. Toy hammers may not be very good at driving actual nails, but they sure can make a man limp for no good reason. Between their boyhood shenanigans and my iffy fathering, I figure we’ll beat each other up pretty good, physically and emotionally. But what’s a little pain between father and sons? Those are the scars that bind.
My wife loves me very much. Sometimes I think she is about to love me to death, but mostly she just loves me to high anxiety. Her goal is to make certain I do not grow stale within the narrow confines of my comfort zone, so she regularly attacks my comfort zone with a sledge-hammer. This is the comfort zone I spent most of the first four decades of my life building. It is a significant and carefully laid out fortress, but she is relentless in her siege. Consequently, I find myself in uncomfortable circumstances much more than when I was single. These instances, she tells me, are the result of me breaking free of my lifelong fetters and finally feeling alive. Furthermore, she expects thanks for providing me with these many refreshing discomforts.
As for me, I’m just another father, struggling to make heads or tails of this life of raising children. Just when I learn the procedure, it all changes, and I have to start school all over again. Consequently, I make a lot of mistakes, or at least this is what I am told by the parent who is in charge of scoring my performance. At least I don’t ever have to wonder how I’m doing. I guess that’s the good thing about being a father. Fathers don’t have to wonder about how well they are parenting. There is always somebody watching over their shoulders, telling them just exactly what they are doing wrong.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Snoozing on the Sofa 
Very good post. I’m considering sharing it with my husband but then he might think he has an ally in the fortress…;) Give your wife the benefit of the doubt…she doesn’t mean to crush your soul…she’s just trying to do the best, right thing all the time. At least that’s how I justify it to myself…
Yes, she means well, in her soul-crushing kind of way.
I did share with my husband…he says you are blogging his life, whatever THAT means…
I’m sure it’s just another one of those crazy things husbands say. It’s probably best just to smile and nod.
I was just about to share about me possibly sharing this with my husband, who also highly regards his fort, but I’ll just piggy back off this comment:) Great post!
As it was explained to me, your job is to blast away at anything your husband has constructed to make himself comfortable. Bombs away!
Hi, Scott — So, because you continually amuse and offer a certain twisted insight that I, a fellow 40-something father, can relate to… and because I really enjoy your writing … I am passing along my nomination for you to receive the Liebster Award. Will it change your life? Probably not. However, it’s a cool tradition, passed from one blogger to another, to say “Hey, I really like your stuff.” There are some criteria, which can be found at this link http://nedhickson.wordpress.com/about/liebster-award. There are some questions to answer and you have the honor of passing this recognition along to other bloggers. That said, thanks for what you do. Cheers, — Ned
Thanks, Ned, for the nomination and the compliments. I am notorious for not being a very graceful recipient of high honors, but I will try my best to live up to this award. It may take me a little while to figure out who to pass it on to, without inspiring a restraining order, but I will give it careful consideration. Meanwhile, I anxiously await having my life not changed.
That’s exactly the right attitude to have in order to avoid letting this thing go to your head. I knew I had made a wise decision.
I find your blog to be both hilarious and oh-so-true, so I am nominating you for the Versatile Blogger Award. http://raffertysrules.wordpress.com/2013/03/07/versatile-blogger-award/
Thanks so much! I’m heading over to check out the details on your link right now.
Hi!
Just wanted to let you know that I’ve nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award. You can see my nomination here: http://mommagonemad.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/id-like-to-thank-the-little-people/
Keep up the great work!
Leila
Leila,
Thank you very much for the nomination. I just did an awards post with the past couple of weeks, so I probably won’t be doing another one real soon. Still, I am very grateful that you think enough of this blog to nominate it. It certainly is an honor that I value.
BTW, my favorite author is James Thurber; that’s probably not very surprising.
Thanks again,
Scott
I too, did the “First-time Dad at 40” thing. Brings both good and bad… The good is, at least now I am too lazy and tired to make a run for it – and I can afford it. Bad side is, by he time my ons were ‘cognative’ of me, they saw me as the “old guy in his mid 50’s”. Forget 3-1/2 years in SEAL Team 2, or playing QB for a major college… By the time they were ready to size me up, all my amazing skills and bravado had been drained away by marriage, elementary school plays, and Father Time just kicking my butt for good measure. You seem to have the right attitude though- might as well ride it out and have some fun along the way too !
Yes. Lots of random muscle aches. I sometimes find myself envious of fathers my age who have children old enough to pour their own juice.
I don’t have any award nominations to offer, but if I did it would be for “the parenting blog so good that even people who don’t like, want or have children will enjoy reading it.” Every post I’ve read so far has elicited at least a big fat smile if not an outright belly laugh. It’s a feel-good romp through uncharted (for me anyway) territory!
No nominations are necessary. Your comment makes me as happy as any award could.
Your four posts I read and “liked” makes me wonder how often you blog. I hope it’s often. Highly enjoyable material ;0)
I try to do one or two posts per week. It’s hard for me to do more than that and keep the quality up. Sometimes I can’t even keep the quality up at that rate. Thanks for reading, enjoying, and commenting.
I can imagine! Well it seems in the meantime you save up great ideas ;0). I look forward to reading more…
I may actually have to slow down a bit now that the summer travel season is here. The good news is that family vacations usually provide a lot of stories.
Looking forward ;0)
Left you an award on my blog, this one is not long and complicated. Yes it is meant to be fun in a sarcastic sort of way 🙂
Thank you very much, but I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why anyone would include me in something meant to be sarcastic. I will certainly have a look at your post.
Hello! I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. You can read about it here: http://mewhoami.wordpress.com/2013/11/26/celebrating-100th-post-with-an-award/
Thank you very much. It is always an honor to be nominated by one of the great bloggers out there. I have already received a nomination for the Versatile Blogger Award, and I don’t want to be an award hog, so I will just tender you my humble appreciation. Thank you for thinking of my blog.
Thank you for your kind words and you are very welcome!
[…] Scott@Snoozing on the Sofa: A heartwarming and subtly funny (that to me is an awesome kind of funny I should add) blog by a father who shares his experiences on parenting. A must read for anyone with kids, anyone wanting to have kids, or anyone who’s ever seen a kid. […]
You’re awesome. That is all.
Thanks. I like you too.
Join us. Come visit naptimethoughts.com
I’m there!
[…] next blogger I’m going to tag is my friend Scott over at Snoozing on the Sofa. He was really one of the first male and a dad to boot, bloggers that I […]
Wow. Have just had a quick read of this About page and another post and find you quite humourous! Look forward to reading more of your (your family’s) antics on your trek through parenthood!
Thanks for stopping by and please do visit again. The kids come up with it and I just write it down.
Fear not, I will definitely be back for more fun!
Thank you for the follow! Much appreciated. Am still working my way through your posts! You have written about everything!
It sometimes seems that way. Then these kids come up with something entirely new. They just don’t quit.
Happy to have found your honest, funny and heartfelt blog! I am only a year into marriage and have yet to embark on the parenthood thing. Both terrified and excited about it!! I look forward to reading more:)
Thank you for reading. You have many fun times ahead of you. Enjoy them, in spite of the headaches, awkwardness, and lack of sleep they will bring. Sleep is overrated anyway.
Hi Scott, I think your site’s got beautiful design and such interesting pieces, so I’m following! 🙂
I really enjoy your posts and look forward to your next.
Feel free to check out my writing about publishing: publishinginsights.org
Sherry
Thank you for those kind words. I certainly will check out your writing.
Hi Scott, I just nominated you for the Most Inspiring Blogger Award because, well, how the hell do you do it? Instructions and a compliment are on my post.
http://markbialczak.com/2015/02/26/i-feel-inspired-at-my-second-blogging-anniversary-so-i-pass-it-along/
My wife does it. I just blab about it. Thank you very much for this compliment. I feel very honored. I will check out your post directly.
You are most deserving, my friend. Even Michigan Staters need to be justly noted when deserving. 🙂
Just posted my rather awkward acceptance.
I will be over. I’m sure you’re shining as usual, Scott.
Belly laughing with empathy 😀 Great read!
Thanks, Angie. I’m sure it’s not a unique story.
Funny stuff…can’t wait to read more of your fatherly escapades. Seems like you have a wealth of inspiration.
Thank you and welcome. I have more inspiration than I can handle some days.
Those dang “shady” characters, I tell ya!
Glad I found you on WordPress.
Sandi
They keep me on my toes, as do my WordPress friends.
That’s right.
Although, I wouldn’t describe myself as “shady,” but more the “shifty” kind. Bloggers are more “Shifty,” maybe even “crafty?”
You say potato . . .
This is hilarious and I look forward to reading more! I found your site through Mark. 🙂
Thanks for stopping by. I think Mark must be the switchboard for bloggers. Sometimes I think no one would know anybody else without him in the middle of it. Good thing we have him.
Ha! He’s great. It was a pleasure to drop by. You’re funny!
Thank you. I take that as a compliment, even when my kids say it to me.
You’re welcome. Kids say the darnest things don’t they?!
You’re a kept man Scott, and proud you are of it, but what man wouldn’t be! I’m so proud to call you one of my followers (that Swiss bank account I set up for you should kick in any day now). So I thought I better come see your blog, Now that you’re distracted by that new bank account, I hope to roam free through all your posts. :O)
If I’m kept, it must mean I’m a keeper, right? Roam as freely as you like through the pages of this blog. All the posts are indexed alphabetically (nearly alphabetically) at the index page link on the top. Meanwhile, I’ve got to set up some internet banking. Please excuse me.
LOL… Of course you’re an absolute keeper, and your wife is obviously a woman of good taste. Oh yes, the Internet banking thing. Yes I understand, international banking being what it is and all these days, best get that account quickly. :O)
This really is very funny. Esp as I think i’m rather guilty of same ‘comfort zone crashing’ as your wife….I’m Family Life editor for UK site, Post40Bloggers.com (you heard of us?We’re relatively new). I’d like to feature this or your post on losing your remote control soon. Would you be interested? All you have to do is register here: http://www.post40bloggers.com, but don’t worry you wont get clobbered with emails or anything – just be part of a growing movement of quality bloggers who’re getting a bit older…Let me know by tweeting me @notsonormalmum or emailing siobhan@calthrop.com. Cheers!
Well, it’s very nice to meet you and I can’t wait to read more about you and your family 🙂
Very nice of you to stop by. I hope to see you again soon.
Definitely planning on coming over again on a regular base…
I gotta say, your blog is fantastic.
I gotta say, thank you so much!
I hope you like my blog then.
It’s very cool. It’s clear you are a very skilled blogger.
Thank you for saying that.
You’re welcome.
I look forward to hearing your opinions on my reviews, feel free to comment any time.
Still laughing at your words. Well done “about me”. My kids are 24 and 25 and I feel like I still am learning to parent. Your wife sounds wonderful and I’m sure for all her opinions, I’m sure she treats you like a King! 🙂 Be well, Koko:)
Yes, she treats me like a king – one that needs to be deposed. Thanks for visiting.
I rarely see dads blogging, so this is refreshing! Glad I found your blog! Looking forward to reading more! 🙂
Thanks for stopping by. Dad bloggers are definitely a niche, but we do what we can to represent.