Everybody’s talkin’ at me

Sunday was Big Man’s 4th birthday. That meant a Saturday trip to the store in preparation for the big event. This, in theory, would give me a chance to use the new coupon binder my wife had made for us. We are not extreme couponers by any means, but if stores mail you little pieces of paper that are worth money, you might as well use them.

In my head, I had planned out everything I needed to do in order to run a successful errand. The first step was to grab the coupon book on the way out. On my way to do that, I was interrupted. “You wanna drop this extra pizza off at Fran’s house on your way?” my wife asked. Why does my wife have an extra pizza? It’s a long story, but let’s just say she’s a natural redistributor of goods from areas of surplus to areas of demand.

I took the pizza. I left the coupon book. This happens to me often on my way out the door. As a man, I can think of only one thing at a time. That thing used to be sex, mostly, but as I’ve gotten old and domesticated, it has changed into things like coupons books. Family members see me going out as the time to make requests of me, new thoughts which drive the old thought, about why I was going, completely out of my mind.

I did make it to the store, but I paid full price.

coupon organizer

Our new coupon binder: handsome and useful – especially when you remember to take it to the store.

On Sunday morning, I went to pick up the birthday cake. I fled the house before anyone could make me lose my focus on cake.  At the store, I ran into a friend who’d bought Big Man an ice cream maker for his birthday. I volunteered to pick up the half & half and ice to make the ice cream. The ice was by the door, so I’d grab it on the way out.

I got the half & half, and a few other things my wife texted me to get, and headed for the checkout.  If I hadn’t passed the cake mix aisle I would have left without our cake. Good save, Duncan Hines! I got our cake and went through the checkout, only needing to pay for the bag of ice.

Apparently I had left my Don’t-Talk-To-Me face at home, which is odd because my wife says I wear it whenever I go out. I’ve been trying it on at home lately, but nobody respects it there. The young lady bagging the groceries saw our Paw Patrol cake and went off about her little nephew. Of course, when your Don’t-Talk-To-Me face fails, you have to be polite, even when it makes you forget to present your coupons, the ones you brought all the way to the store this time, to the cashier.

“My nephew this; my nephew that.”

“Uh-huh. Uh-huh, that’s nice.”

Needless to say, I had to go back to into the store for ice.

Big Man had a happy birthday, but I’m the one who aged.

The perfect birthday gift for a boy who loves tools and belts.


26 comments on “Everybody’s talkin’ at me

  1. Linda Lillian Storoz says:

    As you stand poised on the edge of another decade, just know this something you have to learn to accept. It doesn’t get better even when the kidlets are gone. Love the tool kit! Maybe use it to hang a nail by the door for a place to post a remember to remember sign….

  2. floatinggold says:

    I know exactly how you feel about the “don’t talk to me face”. People are getting bolder and bolder. They insist on talking to you NO MATTER what your face says. Maybe even ESPECIALLY when your face says “do not disturb”.
    Glad the party was a success, though.

  3. AmyRose🌹 says:

    Oh dear God, Scott! You are hysterical! I see my husband in you in spades. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. Men! You are SO right you guys cannot as it is impossible, to think or do more then one thing at a time. Thank goodness the one track mind sex mind is a thing of the past, for me that is! For someone who doesn’t do coupons a lot, I’d say that coupon book looks serious! I honestly don’t think your don’t talk to me face is working cause people in general are getting so desperate to talk due to everyone so focused on their phones to the point conversation has gotten almost extinct. You are gonna have to create another face, sorry, Scott, if you really don’t want anyone to talk to you. Glare? Frown? Angry face? Stupid face? Not interested face? Pretending to be texting on your phone face? No comprend face? I dunno. Hope I helped out. NOTHING fyi works with hubby. He will talk until his last breath. If you have any suggestions let me know ….. GREAT write!!! I so totally enjoyed it! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

  4. Gibber says:

    So what have we learned from this? Since you only have one thought I’ll type it out here for you. Never tell anyone when you’re going to the store. lol

  5. Face it, Scott, we men only have a one-track mind. But, beware if it should jump the track and collide with a bagger—that’s when you’ll say, “What happened?”

  6. Just Joan says:

    Good save, Duncan Hines! LOL, love it. And the coupon binder–whoa, looks serious! Birthday prep is painful sometimes… I looked on once as a grocery clerk got a little overzealous with the conveyor belt button and totally crushed a personalized b-day cake. While the bakery folks rushed to decorate a replacement, the lady’s ice cream sprung a leak. 🙂

  7. Laura says:

    Man, I HATE IT when my Don’t Talk To Me face fails. It’s so confusing because it *feels* like I’m burning a hole through whoever’s trying to talk, but whatever…
    I’ve nominated you for the Liebster award. If you’re interested, you can check it out here: https://riddlefromthemiddle.com/2018/04/24/blogger-hugs-abound/.

  8. Saniyah Eman says:

    You’re so hilariously honest! I love the way you write about your life! 🙂

  9. Ahdad says:

    Wife made me a list of stuff to buy on Saturday and then mentioned another thing in passing, needless to say, I got everything on the list. And not the one thing she mentioned in passing.

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