Please welcome back our occasional guest blogger, Buster, aged 5.
I’ve been telling them, ever since the end of preschool, I didn’t want to go to kindergarten. Maybe they thought I was just trying to be cute. Whatever. I don’t have to try to be cute.
See, preschool was fine: three hours a day, then right back home to play.
This kindergarten is a whole new ball of wax. Did you know it goes all day, from like early in the morning until God-Knows-When in the afternoon? I’m not ready to make a commitment to that.
And then there’s all this pressure to learn tons of crazy stuff. I mean, I mostly know it already, but these people are sticklers for the details. A B C D E F G blah blah blah. I got the general gist of it. I don’t know why I have to be weighed down with minutia.
Counting? I can count to 20, give or take. If I leave out a number in the teens, big deal. Where I am is more important than how I got there.
Taking the leap into that great unknown called elementary school.
The worst part is they want you to talk . . . out loud . . . to other people. That’s just not my style. I made it through two years of preschool without having to open my mouth much, and that’s the way I like it. Give me some paper and a bunch of crayons and I’ll whip you up some top-notch art. Most of the coloring will be inside the lines too. But here’s the key part: I must not be disturbed. Don’t come around asking me questions about what I’m making. I’ve got no time for chit-chat; I’m creating.
Man, the teacher’s probably going to call on me and everything this year. What did I ever do to her?
Then there’s the whole lunch thing. They don’t even know what I’m in the mood for. The first day, they had pizza. I was totally ready to mow on some chicken nuggets. The second day, I was like, “All right, I’m down with your pizza.” Was there any pizza in sight? No. They had some kind of waffle thing. Didn’t anybody tell them I don’t like waffles?
Oh, but I had the option of getting the “fun lunch” which is like yogurt and celery or something. Fun lunch? False advertise much? Two hands full of M&Ms – now that would be a fun lunch. Let’s get that on the menu.
I haven’t had homework yet, but I bet they’re going to oppress my civil liberties with that any day now. I’ve seen my brother do homework before and it looks like torture. I’m just going on record right now as somebody who wants no part of that.
The first week is almost over and I’ve survived so far. I guess that’s a testament to my indomitable spirit. Isn’t that what they call it when your parents take you to school and make you stay there all day and you don’t even cry?
Snoozing on the Sofa 
Oh Buster, I hope your teacher recognizes the brilliant little man you are & focuses on all of the wonderful attributes you have to offer. Hang in there buddy!
We all hope so. He has a good teacher, so it looks promising.
You never disappoint, my friend.
Well, look what the cat dragged in! Gonna try some blogging?
Great story. Very entertaining!
Thank you, and thanks for visiting.
Wow Buster you have quite the vocabulary for a 5 year old. I’m guessing you could be teaching the teachers a few things. I hope that kindergarten ends up being lots of fun.
A scholar and a gentleman. We’re hoping for big fun as well.
Love Buster’s take on all-day school. At least chocolate milk is on the menu now, there was no such thing in 1973. This was the best: “Don’t come around asking me questions about what I’m making. I’ve got no time for chit-chat; I’m creating.” Kindergarten was four decades ago, yet I still feel the same way about creating and/or being interrupted. Especially if crayons are involved. 🙂
You should have grown up in a dairy farming region. We had chocolate milk in kindergarten in 1972. We didn’t have much else, but we had chocolate milk.
I call it a tease lunch…
It eventually becomes an uneaten lunch.
[…] Snoozing On The Sofa About the “brutal world” of kindergarten… […]
This is hilarious. I’m not ready to make a commitment to that. – oh, time out! WHOA. Let’s modify that agreement. And yes, don’t talk while trying to be an AR Teest!
Oh, and I hate to say it, they will complain about the lunch menu forever. When they get 13, it’ll never be ENOUGH food. We just found out why we are running out of money not too long after $$ is updated on his account…he eats 2 entrees! Dad told him to make his own lunch, no way – that involves EFFORT. We tell him to take (2) snacks and he says 1 is fine, because he doesn’t want to waste money (!!!????) and also, it would make his back pack too heavy. That must be one giant sized granola bar and fruit snack pack. I think we need to write a letter to Quaker Oats and Welches.
Whenever a kid says he doesn’t want to waste money it means he’s found a more self-satisfying way to waste it later on.
That’s right, just exactly “what” entree are you buying?
My 4th grader likes to stock up on the frozen treats. Sometimes I think he buys a round for the whole class.
Hey, don’t worry about it – it’s on me. (as he points his finger at the cute girl and class and winks)
There must be more than one cute girl, the way he spends.