SETTING: We were watching a reality show about how people cope with their first week in prison. One of the subjects commented that he had been wearing the same clothes for a week.
WIFE: Oh my God! I can’t go to prison if they make you wear the same clothes for a week.
ME: Were you planning on going to prison?
WIFE: Only if you forget how to treat me right.
ME: Look at the bright side: you could learn how to make shivs and shanks.
WIFE: (scoffing) I already know how to make them. You file down your toothbrush. Anyway, if you were in prison, could you wear the same clothes for a week?
ME: If I’m in prison, I think changing my clothes is the least of my concerns.
WIFE: You think that means they won’t let you take two showers a day?
ME: Probably not. And I wouldn’t want to take two showers a day in prison.
WIFE: Oh no! I would need my two showers a day.
ME: Maybe dirt is part of the punishment.
WIFE: I am not a good candidate for prison.
ME: Don’t let ‘em take you alive.
WIFE: I’m gonna have to do a really, really good job of hiding your body.