SETTING: We were watching a reality show about how people cope with their first week in prison. One of the subjects commented that he had been wearing the same clothes for a week.
WIFE: Oh my God! I can’t go to prison if they make you wear the same clothes for a week.
ME: Were you planning on going to prison?
WIFE: Only if you forget how to treat me right.
ME: Look at the bright side: you could learn how to make shivs and shanks.
WIFE: (scoffing) I already know how to make them. You file down your toothbrush. Anyway, if you were in prison, could you wear the same clothes for a week?
Prison Tip #1: When not being used to stab rivals, shivs and shanks are handy for darning socks. (Image via Wikipedia.)
ME: If I’m in prison, I think changing my clothes is the least of my concerns.
WIFE: You think that means they won’t let you take two showers a day?
ME: Probably not. And I wouldn’t want to take two showers a day in prison.
WIFE: Oh no! I would need my two showers a day.
ME: Maybe dirt is part of the punishment.
WIFE: I am not a good candidate for prison.
ME: Don’t let ‘em take you alive.
WIFE: I’m gonna have to do a really, really good job of hiding your body.
Incarceration: A fashionable alternative to the burdens of personal hygiene.
Snoozing on the Sofa 
Oh thank you, Scott! I really needed a good laugh today. :o)
I help out when I can. Hope you’re not having any trouble.
If she goes the corporate criminal route, she may be able to get the Martha Stewart treatment. But it means she can’t kill you.
I wouldn’t expect her to be able to make any promises regarding that latter condition.
I hadn’t thought of using the shiv as a knitting or darning tool. Now I’m a little less afraid of prison, I think…
I’m guessing there are probably lots of other uses that we don’t know about on the outside. I think you have to be pretty resourceful to be a success in prison.
You seem to be taking your upcoming demise with good humor.
I hate seeing grown men moping and groaning about their upcoming demises.
Haha!! I love that her first fear of prison was regarding the lack of clothing options!
Priorities, you know.