The case of the missing chicken, and other family conspiracies

If you know children, you know people who aren’t very good at keeping track of things. Our boys are always asking if we know where their wallets and piggy banks are. After Big Brother’s last baseball tournament, Buster and I had to walk from the parking lot all the way back to the farthest diamond to retrieve some LEGOs he’d left on a picnic table. Even such precious things are difficult for children to keep.

On Friday, Buster had a baseball game. My wife brought home chicken tenders and burgers for a quick dinner before we went to the park. Everyone ate all their food, but after the game Buster came home thinking he had saved a strip of chicken for himself. He was distraught to find no chicken awaiting him. His disappointment turned to tears, then anger, as he accused everyone he found of throwing his intended post-game feast into the garbage.

On Sunday, Big Man went grocery shopping with me. He had a birthday dollar and was allowed to spend it on candy. He picked out a little box of those taffy strip type things. He ate some after lunch, but soon lost track of the remainder.

Meanwhile, proving she can also be a kid at heart, my wife looked for some leftover biscuits she’d made the day before. She wanted them with dinner, but couldn’t find the dish. “Did you guys eat all my biscuits?” she asked us.

“Don’t you remember? You served them at lunch,” I reminded her. She never loses sight of her piggy bank though.

After dinner, Big Man remembered his candy, but he could not find it. “Somebody took my candy!” he announced.

“I think I saw some on the floor by the coffee table,” I told him.

He went to look but came back just as much a crime victim as when he left. “It’s not there. Somebody stole it!”

Before this turned into a courtroom scene between him and his brothers, Mommy went with him to look again. They came back with the remaining candy, retrieved from under the coffee table.

Mommy shook her head. “You kids always think somebody’s taking your stuff, when you just can’t keep track of it. Buster thought somebody threw out his chicken. You think somebody stole your candy.”

Big Man folded his arms and gave her his best Too-Big-for-my-Britches look. “And you think somebody ate your biscuits.”

“Did you hear what he said to me?” she asked me.

“Yup,” I replied. “He nailed you on that one. As the boys would say, you just got roasted.”

You got Roasted! (It’s a more literal definition for chickens.)

 

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13 comments on “The case of the missing chicken, and other family conspiracies

  1. Floatinggold says:

    It’s a rookie mistake by your wife to ask such a dodgy question (“have you seen my biscuits”) in front of the kids before asking you in secret. She had it coming.
    As for the LEGOs, I would have just left it there. Maybe he’d learn?

    • She knows she set herself up for that, but it’s hard to keep the investigation on the down low when you’re missing biscuits. Based on the price of LEGOs, we have a No LEGO Left Behind policy.

  2. Just Joan says:

    I feel for your wife… I have shown my hubby tricks in Scrabble and later had them used against me, so I know how it is. I hate it when I go to eat something that I (apparently)already ate, or scrounge through the freezer for a particular leftover when there was (apparently) none left over. I guess it’s not old age, as the young are likewise afflicted. 🙂

    • On the bright side, whenever your hubby uses something you taught him against you, you have the right to call him Grasshopper. For children, expecting the food to still be there is wishful thinking and a faith in magic. For us, it’s the early signs of dementia.

  3. Lynn says:

    My husband still accuses the kids of taking things, even though they no longer live at home! In more recent days he now blames our 2 1/2 year hold granddaughter when he can’t find something. It’s a mystery!

  4. AmyRose🌹 says:

    Oh boy did your wife ever set herself up! 😂😂😂 Oh my goodness! You gave me another good laugh, Scott!! That accusation stuff happens all the time even in my house. Today I heard from hubby, “Did you pick up my glasses and put them in your purse?” Really? Are you serious? No, you misplaced them ….. LOL Great write again. Thank you!

    • Before I got progressive lenses I used to have to lift up my glasses to read. I would sometimes look for them before realizing they were sitting on top of my head. I never accused people of taking them though . . . well, almost never.

  5. Gibber says:

    As long as your scotch doesn’t go missing all it good.

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