Conversations with my wife: Boob on fire

I was in the dining room, helping my son with a school project, when my wife hurried up to me and grabbed my hand. She clamped my hand over her left breast. She was clearly alarmed.

WIFE: “Feel that. My boob feels like it’s on fire!”

She had on a sweater over her shirt, but I could still feel that it was hot. It was very hot, chemical reaction hot.

ME: “Is it just the one?”

WIFE: “Yes. The other one’s fine.”

She lifted up her shirt and put my hand on top of her bra. We’re married and everything, so there was no danger of this act leading to anything sexual.

WIFE: “What’s going on with my boob?”

I could see a wet spot on her bra.

ME: “Is it sweating?”

WIFE: “I don’t think so.”

She stretched her bra and sniffed the wet spot.

WIFE: “It doesn’t smell like sweat.”

I sniffed it.

ME: “No. It kinda smells like pork.”

I pulled her sweater back down and noticed that the wet spot went through.

ME: “Did you spill something hot on yourself?”

WIFE: “I don’t think so. I was just cutting up an apple for the baby.”

ME: “Show me what you did.”

She led me into the kitchen and pointed to the fruit bowl on the shelf above the counter.

WIFE: “I just got an apple out and started cutting it up.”

In front of the fruit bowl, the crock pot sat on the counter, gurgling hot little bubbles in the condensed water around the edge of its rattling lid as it slow cooked a pork roast.

ME: “You leaned over the crock pot to reach the apple, didn’t you?”

WIFE: (Relieved) “But why didn’t I get burned right away?”

ME: “It took a minute for it to soak through to the skin. Your boob got slow cooked.”

WIFE: “That’s why my bra smells like pork.”

ME: “I sure hope so.”

crock pot

The culprit. My wife wouldn’t let me post a photo of the victim.

Advertisements

58 comments on “Conversations with my wife: Boob on fire

  1. photosbyandy says:

    This made me chuckle!!!

  2. “We’re married and everything, so there was no danger of this act leading to anything sexual.” – classic! Lol.

    Keep on her about a photo of the victim. Us married guys will take what we can get out here in internets land!

  3. Theresa says:

    I laughed out loud!!

  4. “We’re married and everything, so there was no danger of this act leading to anything sexual.” … “No. It kinda smells like pork.” A much-needed little snort this a.m. 🙂

  5. Aussa Lorens says:

    Haha I love the comment on marriage. Also– I am now singing “THAT BOOOB IS ON FIIIIIRE” a la Alicia Keys. Thanks for that.

  6. Tom W says:

    Too funny! Scott, this is your second boob post in a month. What should we “read” into this?

  7. OH my gosh. THANKS for the laugh!!!!!!!!!!

  8. Ohhhhh, you are going to be in so much trouble when she sees this. LOL

  9. LOL!!! Too funny, thank you! 🙂

  10. jojoka1963 says:

    I loved this post. It’s something I could imagine happening in my house! Unfortunately my hubby would want to do a full boobage inspection though!!

  11. Traci says:

    Great post, Scott. It’s a shame you couldn’t have worked it into Save the Ta-ta’s month. Granted, it was a boob-related emergency of a different nature, but still.

  12. You are seriously, so funny! Thanks for the chortle!

  13. HAHAHHAH! I laughed so hard! HAHAHAHHA!

  14. pieterk515 says:

    hahahahahahahahahahaha x 100. Yes, it’s that funny.

  15. sarah9188 says:

    “That’s why my bra smells like pork.” I’m laughing so hard over here. Until I realized I would probably have done the same thing. Poor slow-cooked boob.

  16. Gibber says:

    That must have made for an interesting dinner!

  17. Vicki says:

    That’s hilarious! Thanks, I need a good laugh!

  18. “We’re married and everything, so there was no danger of this act leading to anything sexual.” very funny!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s