Going commando is what you make of it

Several weeks ago, my son took a bath. Yes, he has taken one or two baths since then, but the several weeks ago bath is the seed of the story I’m about to tell. After this particular bath, he went into this room to get dressed only to discover that all of his underwear were in the laundry.

“Uh-oh, looks like somebody’s going commando today,” I told him.

“What’s commando?” he asked.

“That’s when you put on your clothes, but you don’t wear any underwear.”

This idea did not appeal to him, so we waited to go about our daily business until some of his underwear could be washed.

Buzz Lightyear's worst nightmare

Buzz Lightyear begs you to go commando, today and every day.

About a week later, I came out of the shower to get dressed for work. My son was watching TV in my room. When he saw me pull out the drawer, he said, “Daddy, I don’t think you need underwear. You should go commando today.”

I’d like to assure any of my co-workers who may be tuning in that I did not take his advice. I’m prim and proper now, not like the old days.

Over the weeks, the boy has fallen in love with the phrase going commando. He has tried to adapt it so that it fits his own wild side. He would much rather wear underwear and no clothes than wear clothes and no underwear. In fact, I believe he would rather live completely naked than go about wearing clothes with no underwear.

At any rate, he rather enjoys running around the house and making a lot of noise, drawing attention to the fact that he is wearing only underwear. This is the action he has fitted to his new favorite phrase, going commando.

wild man vs. commando

The outfit on the right, without the outfit on the left, constitutes going commando. The outfit on the left, without the outfit on the right, is formal wear for a four-year-old wild man.

Boys his age go through their wild man stages. I don’t mind it, but I am a bit of a stick in the mud when it comes to language, even slang. I wish he wouldn’t insist on corrupting the meaning of going commando. I also wish he wouldn’t be so bi-polar in fluctuating between wild man and prude.

My carefree little commando can turn prissy on a dime. Last week, we walked to the playground. In spite having assured us before leaving home that he did not have to go to the bathroom, his first words upon reaching the playground were, “I have to go to the bathroom.”

There were no facilities within range. “Take him behind a tree,” my wife advised.

I led him behind a suitable pine and showed him the appropriate place. And do you know what that wild man, commando, tough guy asked me? He asked me this: “Why are you making me pee like an animal?”

He needs to work on his aim and generally improve his urination deportment a little bit before he can claim to be peeing like an animal, but I didn’t bother to tell him that.


16 comments on “Going commando is what you make of it

  1. Lynette says:

    This is great! Reminds me of the time… well I should save that for when they bring home their first date. Muahaha. 🙂

  2. My little guy loves to run around without pants or underwear. Our rule is that he can’t sit on the furniture without at least underwear. He’s 4 too. Must be a boy thing because the little girl just wants to wear princess dresses all the time.

  3. Traci says:

    If they wouldn’t make those undergarments with action figures on them, the children wouldn’t become so attached. They’re basically wearing cloth toys.

  4. Tom W says:

    ” I’d like to assure any of my my co-workers….. I’m prim and proper now, not like the old days” Ah those old days! Some of your co-workers from the old days might just start their own blog.

  5. My son always enjoyed playing a few moments of naked basketball after bathing. (Just for the record we had a little plastic indoor hoop; we did not take him to the local outdoor courts.) These days when he runs out of underwear he steals mine. I should have had him going commando years ago.

    • I plan to start storing all of my underpants in a steel safe around the time the boy turns 15. He’ll have to learn to crack safes or do his own laundry. Either skill will be useful to him.

  6. yearstricken says:

    I have never raised boys (husbands don’t count), but even some girls like to run around au naturel (I’m speaking of small children here).

  7. It is amazing the words and phrases that seem to stick in the minds of children. I should not share this one as it was a little embarrassing at the time, and l had actually forgotten about it until reading the “Going Commando” story.

    My husband had always wanted a son, so when our daughter came along he would talk to her and play with her as if she was a boy. I remember going out for a few hours and coming home to my 2 and a bit year old daughter getting all excited every time she passed wind…. My husband had taught her to yell out “Fart…. Farted”

    I must admit l did find it funny, but at the same time l thought it wasn’t the greatest of words to be teaching our daughter…. Anyway a few months later while pushing the trolley through a rather busy shopping centre our daughter began to pass wind and at the top of her voice she would scream out “Fart…. Farted”…… With many shoppers in near proximity l could not help but be embarrassed but giggling on the inside at the same time…… Kids, we all just love them.

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