It turns out that my son is something of a conspiracy theorist. So far, he hasn’t been big on producing evidence for his theories, but when you are four, you just know things. If evidence were such an important thing, somebody probably would have explained to you what evidence is by now. But they haven’t, have they? Case and point.
We were driving past a cemetery the other day when the boy asked, “Daddy, is this the graveyard?”
“Yes. It’s a cemetery.”
“Is this where they buried all the zombies?” He’s big on zombies just now.
“There aren’t any zombies. They’re just people who died.”
“Why can’t we see the people who are buried there?”
“Because they are buried, underground.”
“I know they’re buried, but why do they have those big, square rocks on top of the graves?”
“Those are headstones. They tell you who’s buried there.”
“I think I know who’s buried in there.”
Lincoln’s first tomb. It was sort of like a waiting area until his fancy tomb was ready.
“Oh, you do? Who?”
“Mr. Lincoln.” The boy has an unusual reverence for Abraham Lincoln. He might have gotten some of this from me, but we can’t be sure at this point.
“He is? Is Mr. Washington buried there too?”
“No. Mr. Washington is buried in a different graveyard, in a different town.”
“I should think he is.”
“You know who else is buried in there?”
“Who?”
The last of many documented rearrangements of Lincoln’s coffin within his tomb. No pictures were taken when he was secretly moved to one of the cemeteries in our town.
“Mr. Lincoln’s mother.” Sorry, conspiracy buffs, he didn’t specify Nancy or Sarah.
“Really?”
“Yup. She is. You know who else isn’t buried in there?”
“Who?”
“John Booth.”
“I would hope not.”
“Nope. John Booth is buried in a graveyard in China.”
“China?”
Baltimore’s Green Mount Cemetery in 1848. John Wilkes Booth wasn’t buried there then and, according to my son, he’s not buried there now. (Image: Augustus Köllner/Laurent Deroy)
“Yeah, because that’s where he lives now.”
So, apparently, John Wilkes Booth did escape to Asia after all. I had always heard that he fled to India, but the updated story indicates it was China. What makes this new information even more startling is that, by all indications, he is still alive, although buried in a graveyard. That can’t be too comfortable for him, especially at his age.
Sounds like somebody has been watching the History Channel without Daddy again.
Snoozing on the Sofa 
That information wasn’t in the book I read recently, I think it was called Killing Lincoln, but it’s fascinating.
Doesn’t that just suck? You spent all that time reading that book, and the information is already outdated.
Huh…and I thought my four-year-old’s theories on Bigfoot were impressive. I really need to start pushing the History Channel around here.
You should blog the Bigfoot theories. Everybody wants to know what the deal is with him.
Those big heavy stones on top of the graves are so those darned zombies stay in the ground. I hate it when they roam around my neighborhood. …”.HEY..Get Off my Lawn!!!”
Empty scotch bottles are good for throwing at trespassing zombies. Keep yourself well-armed.
Oh Scott, I love the conversations you have with your children! FYI – my oldest daughter is 33 and we still have conversations like this. LOL
Ask her if she has anything to add to the newest Lincoln “conspiracy”.
Your son is a grave thinker. (Sorry, sometimes I can’t control myself. I think it’s the zombies.)
Yeah, those zombies are getting to us all.
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[…] the majority of states only sell Holiday Trees. -After shooting Abraham Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth fled to China. -Is Spiderman gay? -Anyone who wants to know Fifty shades of grey without having to read the […]