I love you, Halloween, but this relationship is moving too quickly for me

We have a bowl in our pantry where we collect candy from special events to dole out periodically to the boys. Since it is pre-Halloween, there are slim pickings left in the bowl. The last time I let Buster pick something from it, we were down to a handful of restaurant mints and few pieces of bubble gum.

slim pickins

The empty bowl says it’s time for some Halloween. I should pay more attention to what our dishes have to say.

Buster, who has never had gum before, picked up one of the pieces and asked, “What’s this?”

“That’s bubble gum,” I replied. “You don’t eat it; you just chew on it for a while, then spit it out.”

Buster envisioned this strange ritual, made and face, and concluded, “I don’t know how to do this one.” He tossed it back into the bowl and took a mint.

It will be nice to get some candy the kids understand in the bowl again.

On the other hand, Halloween is approaching at a blinding speed this year. I don’t even know what the kids are going to be yet. Big Brother mentioned something about being a soldier again, but this year wearing my WWI doughboy helmet. I nixed that idea. It’s a steel helmet, which is going to get heavy on his head in about a minute, and I’m not carrying that thing around the neighborhood. It probably wouldn’t even hold that much candy.

The last thing a kid's going to want on his head for an hour, and an awkward candy carrier at best.

The last thing a kid’s going to want on his head for an hour, and an awkward candy carrier at best.

Some friends will be Trick-or-Treating with us. It’s more fun with friends, and the other kids will probably have good costumes. Maybe I can slide over toward the friends and kind of pretend we’re not with those kids whose parents don’t care enough to adequately costume them for Halloween.

If it’s snowing, like last Halloween, we’ll be off the hook. I’ll just tell my boys to make a show of complaining about how Mommy made them wear their winter coats and hats overtop of their super-awesome costumes. Cold weather is the great Trick-or-Treat equalizer – knocks the Pinterest parents down to my level for an evening.

Last year's jack-o-lantern, because there is no image of this year's jack-o-lantern yet.

Last year’s jack-o-lantern, because there is no image of this year’s jack-o-lantern yet.

This is potentially the first year for Big Man to go Trick-or-Treating. The thing about toddlers is they don’t walk fast enough to maximize the treats potential of the neighborhood, and we’re all about efficiency when it comes to collecting free candy. I learned my lesson about trying to carry a toddler around town several years ago when I wasn’t even as old as I am now, and when the toddler wasn’t such a substantial child as Big Man is. We’re going to have to put him on wheels, somehow. Maybe he can ride in the wagon with Buster, because, truth be told, Buster still slows down the operation, too.

Halloween shouldn’t be about a dad yelling at the big kids to slow down and the little ones to hurry up. It should be about friends and fun and treats and showing respect to your dad by giving him a fair cut of your candy for his trouble.

That’s the true spirit of the season.


20 comments on “I love you, Halloween, but this relationship is moving too quickly for me

  1. Dean B says:

    It snows on Halloween over there? Wow, T will be so impressed. Halloween though isn’t as big here as it is there, though I must say the Brtis are catching up! 😉

  2. Lynn says:

    When I first saw the picture of the bowl in the Reader, I thought you had consumed all of your candy prior to Halloween. Oh wait, that is my house!

  3. Forget Pinterest. You have child cuteness to make up for costume deficiencies.

    And there is candy.

  4. Gibber says:

    You could make their wagon into a race car and they could be race car drivers. You can also collect your own candy. Just say it’s for the sick on at home. 😉

  5. Ahdad says:

    I still remember my trip last year, ending up in Georgetown, Washington for Halloween. I didn’t have kids or friends for that matter. Never mind anyone to talk too. I just lurked in the shadows with my camera trying to capture the essence of the holiday, watching families doing the trick or treat thing.

    Sounds creepy doesn’t it?

  6. That candy bowl looks like someone will have Halloween whoa this year. As for the weather, we’re lucky, gonna be in the 80’s here, can’t imagine Halloween in the snow. Now that would be rough.

  7. …and stealing your kids’ candy. (seriously) – okay mom, think we’re done. Oh no, you need to hit that door there, they are giving out the BIG Costco candy bars. Get mommy a Snickers and Reeses, please.

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