Mommy’s new job means she leaves the house each morning before we four boys wake up. Mommy is the big winner in this new reality, because none of the men she leaves behind wake up pretty.
The first to wake up is Daddy. He is not a morning person, but he has seen enough dawns to realize the world wasn’t designed for night owls, and he must suck it up, even as he bounces off the bathroom door frame, which he walked into sideways.
After Daddy showers and shaves, he wakes up Big Brother. Big Brother is also not a morning person. He knows 7 a.m. is a horrible time to wake up. This makes angriness a constant part of his morning routine. Big Brother shuffles to the bathroom to assemble his many complaints for the day and do an inventory of all the aches that, in a just world, would keep him home from school.
Next to rise is Buster. He is less of a non-morning person. This is not to say he won’t be in a bad mood in the morning, it’s just that he is equally likely to be nudged into surliness in the afternoon or evening. Buster often wakes up by himself. He gives Daddy a nice hug, and it all goes downhill from there. Making him brush his teeth could be the thing that sends him into a funk. Or it might be the criminal lack of donuts for breakfast. Asking him to write out his spelling words before the test is a surefire way to send him into a spiral of grunts and foot stomping.
Children who study their spelling words can win handsome plaques. Or maybe it’s for clean teeth. Probably not a donut-eating award. Image: Harris & Ewing
Big Man is the wild card. Sometimes he wakes up early and sometimes he pushes sleep to the limit. Big Man is unlikely to be angry. He’s just very sleepy. Even when he gets up early, he often drags his blanket downstairs to curl up on the floor. He likes to stay in his pajamas, regardless of where he needs to be. He takes his time about getting around to breakfast. Big Man’s saving grace is that when he puts up a stink, at least he argues using English words instead of grunting his rebuttals like his caveman brothers.
Of the four, only Daddy shows any urgency about getting people where they need to be on time. The poor, hopeless man struggles against the current of chronological apathy every day, and every day it comes near drowning him in tardiness.
It is a maelstrom of his own making. Who gave Big Brother a nature that recoils from the rising sun? Who gave Buster the expectations of a prince in the robes of a pauper? Who gave Big Man the English language, to spout in endless explanation of why it’s not yet the right moment to put his shoes on, instead of just putting his damned shoes on?
I don’t know. Maybe it was Mommy.
Snoozing on the Sofa 
Ahaha! I really think donuts for breakfast would help everything. They may be will to do anything or even better everything you need them too for donuts.
Donuts for dinner would help a lot of stuff too
I like the way you think. lol
Thanks. Must be the donuts… 🤪
I hope you’re sharing!
Donuts would work for about 3 days. Then they would be taken for granted and the goal posts would be shifted. Children are case studies in the diminishing returns of gratitude.
Ha! Gotta stay one step ahead. Have ice cream there in case donuts become old news.
Getting up before the crack of dawn is a bummer, but there’s a silver lining, Mommy: not having to deal with four grumpy non-morning people. Best part was the paragraph about Buster, who can be nudged into surliness at any time of the day over his spelling words or by a criminal lack of donuts for breakfast. Surely there must be a law against starting the day with Cheerios or toast! 🙂
Buster is a hunger strike waiting to happen. He even turns his nose up at Cap’n Crunch most days. Can you believe that? What kind of monster shuns the good Cap’n?
Love this! Who the hell came up with the idea of waking up in the morning anyway? Bed is where we oughtta be
The world is full of crazy ideas. And it’s always the sane, sleepy people who pay.
😆
Delightful tale…at least for the readers. It’s most enjoyable to me as I’ve never had kids or grandkids, or great-grands who “hated” mornings so I have no viable solution for your delimna.
You must have been a saint in your past life, Ed. Either that or you have an entire family full of freaks. I’m to tired to decide.
Can you imagine a house with FIVE boys and three girls? That was my existence as a child. Not much was said in those mornings …. As for you, I well, may think due to the fact you are the night owl, perhaps you passed that gene onto your children? Just a thought, Scott. You did have something to do in the creation of these little ones. It’s not nice to point the finger at the other person …. your wife? The one who is getting up even earlier then you guys? Hmmmm …. what is wrong here? Just asking …..
PS I actually got 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep the other night and the following day could not wake up nor function. Watch out when you do get a good night’s sleep. LOL
You should have gotten up early and taken some photos. You would have felt better and everyone else would have benefited from the results.
No shoulds. Sorry. I’ve been majorly sleep deprived and my body really really needed to sleep. Now I’m ready to go, however.
Go get ’em!
I plan to. Yes, Sir!
Yes, Amy, I can imagine five boys and three girls in the same house. That exactly describes the house in which I grew up. As for my wife getting up earlier, well, she is a morning person who naturally wakes at that time anyway. She gets to get ready for work in complete peace and quiet and doesn’t have to break a sweat to get to work on time. I’ll ask her if she thinks something’s wrong
😂😂😂 Oh, Scott. Your life I would not want. Mine is hard enough. Whew!
In spite of all the tumult, I have a wonderful life, Amy. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I feel exactly the same about my life. It may be “nuts” at times, hair pulling crazy at times, with tears and heartache at times, but, to have a family who I Love with all my Heart, nothing else compares. I’m sure you would agree. ☺️
I do indeed.