Thanksgiving is a day for Turkey and mashed potatoes, parades and football, family togetherness and the alcohol that an entire day confined with family requires. And if there’s any time left over from all of this, it’s the chance to steal a moment to be thankful for something.
The Canadians have their Thanksgiving in October. I don’t know if this is because they are more eager to be thankful or because they are hungrier for turkey. Probably both, since nothing builds a healthy appetite faster than digging down deep to cough up a little gratitude.
In order to make sure that I have a good appetite for Thanksgiving dinner, I’ve composed a list of things I, as a father of three young boys, am thankful for.
- I am thankful that our house has lots of wallpaper nobody likes. This makes the crayon drawings on the walls much more aesthetically pleasing.
- I am thankful that, for going on 10 years now, I have been too lazy and cheap to replace the ugly wallpaper. My plan to customize the existing paper is working out great.
- I am thankful that babies can get away with mismatched socks as often as every day. New Baby is terrible at organizing his sock basket.
- I am thankful that we live in an enlightened society where a man can cause a backup in the drive through, estimating the number of McNuggets needed inside his minivan, without being stripped of every shred of masculinity.
- I am thankful for the following consonants: B, D, M, N, P, T and W. Without them, Buster’s conversation would be completely unintelligible.
- I am thankful for all the vowels, because no one has to learn how to elevate the back of his tongue to pronounce them.
- I am thankful for breasts for a multitude of reasons, but mostly because I don’t have to warm them in hot water for 10 minutes while a screaming, hungry baby wails for a little milk over here!
- I am thankful for any device that helps me shave six seconds off the time it takes to warm a bottle.
- I am thankful that I have so far been able to avoid any embarrassing outbursts of road rage in the car line at elementary school. It’s so important to set a good example.
- I am thankful for generous children who are never too hungry to offer Daddy the crust.
- I am thankful for every day we get through without Caillou.
But most of all I am thankful for:
A baby who is a good eater, a good sleeper, and a good smiler.
A toddler who is always helpful and quick with a joke.
A first grader who adores and protects his little brothers.
And the loving mother who brought them all into this world, and would gladly bring more, if old age, poverty, and slippage toward bedlam didn’t stand in the way.
Pretty soon there will be three on top of your back, and three herniated discs inside your back.
Will they put me out to pasture or send me to the glue factory? That’s the real question.
Depends on whether you’ve kicked the farmer.
You have much to be thankful for, Snoozer. Happy Thanksgiving to you, your wife and the three boys, my friend.
Thank you. And a very Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.
Happy Thanksgiving Scott! You’re definitely not horsing around with the truth my friend…
Thank you. Your amazing pun was the icing on the turkey.
I learned quickly since I began reading your blog that if I need a good laugh, I just need to come here. I’ve been too busy with the fam and being the carb mountain supplier that I hadn’t had time to read this one until this morning. You most definitely have a lot to be thankful for, and you do it well. 🙂
Yes, I do have a lot to be thankful for. And after a four day weekend with three active boys, I’m thankful to get back to the peace and quiet of work.