Big Man and I went to the store for groceries. As I lifted him into the toddler seat of the grocery cart, he noticed the advertisement card clipped to the front of the cart. He looked at the bottle on the ad, gave me one of those I’m about to say something hilarious grins, and announced to the world, “We need wine.”
His impressive vocabulary notwithstanding, I drove our cart away from the world in haste. It’s not so bad that a two-year-old can identify wine, and it’s not unusual for children to say they need items they can name in the store. But when those two things come together, it sounds like sketchy parenting.
To add insult to injury, I rarely drink wine, so he must have learned about it from somebody who didn’t have to look like the abusive parent in the store that day. Now, if he’d said, “We need beer,” or “We need a fifth of Tomintoul,” that would have been on me. If he had requested Tomintoul, I would have been more proud than embarrassed, because it would have proved his genius: first in learning a word like Tomintoul, and second in appreciating how low Daddy is on good scotch.
I’m glad he can identify a wine bottle. He knows it’s not for him and he won’t confuse it for apple juice. I just wish he wouldn’t talk about it like it’s animal crackers.
Meanwhile, Big Brother’s third grade pictures were taken this week. In the morning, Mommy laid out a handsome sweater vest for him. I went downstairs to make my lunch, wondering if he would balk at wearing a sweater with some wild claim that his friends were wearing football jerseys.
I came back upstairs expecting to hear Mommy ask, “If all your friends jumped off a cliff…?” Today, they’d have to jump without him. He came out of his room shaking his head. “I can never find the right tie!” The clip-on he held in his hand was apparently not the right tie. It was also, apparently, not his only tie. Since when did an eight-year-old need a selection of ties? I wonder how many ties our little Alex P. Keaton has. I may need to borrow one sometime.
Buster does yoga in preschool. The other night he showed us some yoga positions he’s learned. He demonstrated the Tree and the Airplane. The airplane looked more like a lame duck to me, but my yoga eye isn’t as advanced as his. Maybe I’m taking it all too literally. I have little doubt he’ll be teaching me to see the metaphor and appreciate the symbolism in the form by the spring semester.
People always warn us, “They grow up so fast.” As someone who longs to have a conversation, sit down, or merely think my own thoughts for 30 seconds without being interrupted, I’m not worried about them growing up too fast.
Well, most days I’m not.
My son is 8 and he has about 5 ties, 2 vests and has asked repeatedly for a suit jacket. Kids these days!
I don’t know how many ties my boy has, but clearly it’s more than I thought. I think he has a suit jacket too, but I’ll bet it’s at least two sizes too small by now. Thank goodness for little brothers.
I agree with Kid #1–we need wine. Ties and yoga, not so much. The Sully impression had me LOL. Your posts are such vivid pictures of what it’s like to be a parent. 🙂
Traumatic flashbacks always replay themselves in vivid pictures.
Soon he’ll have you doing yoga after you share a glass of wine.
He’d better learn to like scotch or beer.
Or wine..Or is that whine?
One always leads to the other.
So whining leads to wine?
It’ll drive you to drink.
That’s the truth and stop you from whining..
And end the vicious cycle.
Some of the things that come flying out of a child’s mouth is hysterical. You just read about my friend over at my blog. His 4 year old nieces were telling the Neurologist not to bother to use big words to their Aunties because they understood them and he was to talk to them too. Oh to have been a fly on the wall. LOL
As for your kids …. Wow, they are teaching Yoga to children now, a very good thing indeed. I am seriously impressed. Yes they grow up fast and treasure these times for one day you will miss them, believe it or not. I KNOW how you feel about not getting the quiet one needs to write or edit a photograph. I seem to have the same problem having all these fur kids underfoot. I swear the moment I sit down the shenanigans begin. *sigh* I have to be several personnas at once. Great post, Scott!! Another winner!!! ❤
Apparently, preschool is very stressful these days and the children need relaxation techniques to get them through their days. An afternoon nap just won’t cut it with these miniature movers and shakers.
I am laughing out loud. Hmmmmm ….. Preschool stressful. That’s a new one on me. LOL But Yoga honestly is good for them! Hopefully it will stick and they will continue to do it down the road. OK, Dad, you can join the Yoga demonstrations any time you want. 🙂
I do some amazing Yoga contortions just trying to get out of bed every morning.
LOL I do too as I try to get out of a very high bed with cats piled on it. Tee hee ……
Yoga cats. You could make that into a new craze.
Hmmmm ….. that I could. I have more then enough here. LOL
one of my friends little boys thought he was very funny one day at the super market and when she approached him he threw his arms up as if he was about to protect his head and screamed “don’t hit me on the head again” with a wide grin on his face… He thought it was funny as hell… I think his mom was thinking about hitting him on his head for the first time in that moment…
Children need to be reminded their parents can embarrass them just as much in public.
I was sitting down to write about an empty nest and then I got distracted by all the quiet in my house…and the dishes not in the sink…and the full fridge…and the couch that didn’t have any kid clothing tossed on it…and no more stupid housewives of wherever being recorded on my DVR. Yep, it’s been tough. I might take up yoga too. That airplane thing looks about my level.
Somebody didn’t schedule my life very well. I’m not expecting to enjoy much empty nest quiet. Right now, my goal is to get the boys off to college in time to make room for my Hospice caregivers.