Q. What are Mega Bloks Call of Duty sets?
A. Mega Bloks, if you are not steeped in the world of expensive plastic squares, are a competitor to LEGO. Call of Duty is the paramilitary wing of Mega Bloks.
Q. What’s the difference between Mega Bloks and LEGOs?
A. Mega Bloks are cheaper than LEGOs in proportion to how much harder their instructions are to follow.
Q. Is there anything else people should know about Mega Bloks?
A. Yes. Although the pieces are segregated into about a dozen different plastic bags, in order to complete Step 1 of construction, you will need exactly one piece from each of the dozen bags, necessitating that you dump all 324,943 pieces out into one omnibus pile.
Q. What is the best time to build a Mega Bloks Call of Duty helicopter?
A. When Daddy is home alone with a six-year-old, a two-year-old, and an eight-month old. Preferably late afternoon of a frigid day when you have been cooped up in the house for hours together already.
Q. Where is the best place to build your set?
A. The dining room table. No other surface will hold the 324,943 pieces.
Q. Isn’t it too close to dinner to spread that all out over the dining room table?
A. Work fast or eat on the floor.
As with all of our greatest family accomplishments, this one was built on the placemat of US Presidents.
Q. Why can’t Big Brother (6) build this set by himself?
A. He could have, if Daddy had been smart enough to shell out the extra cash for LEGOs, with their at least partially-discernable instructions.
Q. What did Big Brother do to help?
A. Big Brother snapped together pieces at random so that whenever Daddy looked for a specific piece it was sure to be cleverly disguised within some abstract sculpture.
Q. What did Buster (2) do to help?
A. Buster loaded some crucial pieces into the back of his toy truck and quietly drove them to a different room.
Q. What did New Baby (<1) do to help?
A. New Baby crawled around the perimeter of the table, patrolling for any fallen pieces that might look good to eat. He also sneaked away at one point to the kitchen where he pulled a used bag of microwave popcorn from the garbage, spilling unpopped kernels all over the floor. These also looked good to eat, which provided Daddy with a nice break from his work as he sprinted from the dining room to the kitchen. You shouldn’t sit in one place for too long.
Q. Did the children do anything else helpful?
A. Lots. Big Brother and Buster got into a fight every 10 minutes over the helicopter pilots and their tiny guns and equipment so that Daddy could have something to break up the monotony of searching for missing pieces.
Q. Is Daddy supposed to yell so much when playing with the kids?
A. Everyone has a different method of family fun.
Q. Will this become a regular activity?
A. Only after Daddy has died and gone to Hell.
Snoozing on the Sofa 
I laughed so hard I think I peed a little. I don’t know what could have gone wrong, your timing, execution and child labor should have had that thing built in no time flat.
All things considered, I thought we made pretty efficient work of it. But it was the children using parent labor.
At least they were mega blocks– easier to see in the middle of the night– less likely to create a permanent divot in your foot.
Don’t be deceived by the name. Some of these pieces are quite small.
That’s unfortunate. For your feet, I mean.
Scott, two words….Lincoln Logs. I loved playing with them when I was six. Of course, when I was six no one outside of Illinois knew who Lincoln was!
They already blew through the Lincoln Logs. But I do love to hear your childhood memories from the 19th century.
I had to build a Lego helicopter this summer with 2 of the grandsons and I feel your pain. Even with good instructions its a tense experience. The next day we did play doh. That’s more relaxing.
Loved your story!
They make such a mess with play doh. And then we all get yelled at.
So true…so true. I especially like the quiet driving away
of the truck with crucial secret pieces…
When a toddler is quiet, it means trouble.
All I’m saying is age and skill appropriate. You should wait to buy the next set when Big Brother has received his engineering degree from MIT. My daughter’s boyfriend decided he wanted the Toddler (2) to have a similar experience, so he spent 3 hours assembling some emergency vehicle set for him, and watched stoically while the Toddler disassembled said set in approximately 3 minutes. Age appropriate. Mmm-hmm.
What’s the fun in children quietly playing with age appropriate toys?
Being cheap never seems to pay off.
And yet we can’t shake the temptation.
I probably share the same condition as our friend Naptimethoughts… The only difference is that I did pee. Good thing I was reading this on the loo which doesn’t imply your writing is toilet worthy it just means I have an excuse to get away from raising two teenagers…
Have you heard of Minecraft? If is like digital Lego… Dude loves it. Another advantage is that there is no cleaning up when playtime is over.
Anytime I can help you escape the teens . . .
We’ve been dreading the day when minecraft comes into our home. They love computer games too much as it is. Only a matter of time, I know.
So funny, particularly like the but about yelling being family fun, brilliant!
It’s always fun until some parent loses their mind. Thanks for reading!