Make yourself comfortable, you little freak

I sometimes forget what little weirdos my kids are. Once they outgrow some creepy habit, I tend to forget about it. It slips to the dark recesses of my mind until the next kid does the same nutty thing and reminds me that the last one was just as odd.

Now a veteran potty-goer, Buster has become comfortable enough with the routine to want to customize the experience to his own bizarre preferences. One day, at his request, I took him into the bathroom to have a sit-down meeting with the potty. After he pulled down his pants, I lifted him onto his child potty seat.

I was about to leave him alone for a minute when he called me back. He extended his legs and asked me to take his pants completely off him. Taking them off meant eventually putting them back on, which was more work than I wanted, but okay. His potty seat has a pee guard sticking up between his legs, and maybe he needed to spread out to avoid scraping his thighs on it. Fair enough.

I pulled off his pants.

He pointed to his underpants. Those too.

Whatever. If the underwear are holding back progress, we can take those too. I tossed his underwear on top of his empty pants and turned to leave.

Wait. He wanted his shirt off too.

Really? His shirt was hindering  the process? Oh well, it was a long shirt; maybe he was worried about it hanging down in the way. All right. He lifted his hands and I pulled the shirt over his head. Done.

Undershirt too.

Come on now! That little muscle shirt couldn’t get in the way if it wanted to.

in the zone

Kick off your shoes (and every other stitch of clothing you have), sit back, relax, and let the magic happen.

Yes. Undershirt too.

Well, at least that would be a snap to put back on.

I pulled of his undershirt.

Now there was nothing that could possibly be in the way of him performing his business. I could leave.

Socks.

Oh, what the hell? Might as well. Wouldn’t want to impose any unnecessary constraints on his ability to poop.

I slipped his socks off and put them on top of the pile of his clothes.

Anything else, I asked the now completely naked boy. You want a quick hair cut to keep that out of the way?

Get out and close the door. Hurry up.

My apologies for lingering so long. I don’t know what got into me.

As I made my final escape I found leisure to let some buried memories assail me. This scene was familiar. Just four short years ago, when Big Brother was three, we went through the same routine. I’d forgotten all about it. Well, at least the weirdos are consistent.

I shouldn’t worry about Buster getting completely naked to poop for the rest of his life. Big Brother outgrew that phase soon enough. Then again, that was just before he started singing Christmas Carols in public rest rooms.

The Weird may change, but the Weirdo remains.

 

 

 

 

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32 comments on “Make yourself comfortable, you little freak

  1. aviets says:

    They’re endlessly amusing, aren’t they?

  2. Lynn says:

    Weirdos are the best people to have in your family! They make for wonderful stories!

  3. AmyRose🌹 says:

    Whatever it takes to get the child to poop, go for it. Oh, Scott, how their little brains work is just so funny!!!

  4. Cookie says:

    If it makes you feel better, Buddy insists on being buck naked when I put him on the potty too. Kids are weird. And assholes.

  5. Gibber says:

    Didn’t you know ahead of time that one must sing Christmas carols naked to well…? I thought everyone knew that…

  6. Both my kids have done this! (different sexes) I was pretty on-top-of-it with my son, and although he resisted he basically got used to going with his pants around his ankles. The only reason I was “on top” of this routine was because my son didn’t like to get dressed after and would come out into the living room to “hang” out. No, no, no. Why are you naked?

    However…my daughter is 10, she doesn’t come traipsing out to reveal her nakedness, but I still knock on the bathroom door to hand her toilet paper (should she need since I knew it was low) and will see her naked and getting dressed. I keep telling her, she doesn’t have to get completely naked to go #2. She knows, but doesn’t care. It must feel more comfortable….I’m guessing. Because She’s 10 and we’re not allowed to talk about it! (I know mom, get out) Thank GOD she doesn’t do this in public restrooms when we are traveling.

    My son is now 12 and likes to make weird noises that echo in the bathroom and bang cabinet doors while brushing his teeth. I’m so glad that we don’t have anyone visiting. (what’s he doing in there?) He’s in there for 15 minutes and we’ll inquire if he brushed, and flossed. Oh yeah, flossing and he goes back into the bathroom for another 15 minutes! What were you doing there the first time? (and he’s not at that age – yet – of you know what.) My GOD, he’ll have to have his own bathroom then.

  7. “You want a haircut to keep that out of the way?” I’m dying here. LOLOLOL!!!

  8. Ahdad says:

    Are you saying it’s not something you do as well? You don’t poop naked? That is simply disgusting. No wonder you’re still using the non-metric system…

  9. atkokosplace says:

    Neither kid did this (one girl, one boy), but they did like to read picture books! She potty trained at 12 mo and my son at 14 mo. The book thing they never out grew, but not on the toilet. Teehee.

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