Conversations with my wife: Early birds

If it’s not the skunks, it’s the birds. None of God’s creatures wants us to get a good night’s rest.

I’ve mentioned before how we have a thriving skunk community in our neighborhood. They like to offer their perfumes to us in the night. If you’ve ever shared property with skunks, you know they can jolt you out of a stone dead sleep without saying a word.

The skunks come around from time to time, but in summer, the birds are out every morning. I have no problem with the birds. I’m a country boy; their joyful chirping doesn’t bother me. My wife, who is not a country boy, is driven up the wall by their chatter. By the laws of marriage (“for better or worse, richer or poorer, through plagues of birds, etc.”) this makes the birds my problem.

Every morning, not long after sunrise, the birds wake my wife, who reacts by closing the windows in our bedroom. Country boys are not accustomed to the noise of windows being closed on a pleasant June morning. Consequently, this wakes me up.

“Close the window if you don’t want to hear the morning announcements!”


WIFE: Sorry to wake you, but those birds are at it again.

ME: They’re just letting you know , “It’s morning time!”

WIFE: Could they whisper it? Or maybe wait until 7 o’clock? Let’s just leave the windows closed all night.

ME: It gets too hot in here. I’d likely be a wreck every morning.

WIFE: Let’s risk it.

ME: You know, some people buy recordings of birds singing to relax them.

WIFE: Singing? They call that singing? It sounds more like a brawl.

ME: Do you also hate the sound of a gentle rain?

WIFE: I swear, one of them is about to pull a knife.

ME: What about the ocean surf?

WIFE: The ocean is fine. It’s all one constant noise, not all these different notes and pitches these birds have.

ME: So if we could get more birds, and their noises all blended together . . .

WIFE: Have you ever heard bickering that blended together?

Not in our house, I haven’t. Wife wins that round.


14 comments on “Conversations with my wife: Early birds

  1. Sandi says:

    I just knew we were neighbors! I just posted on Facebook yesterday about the damn crows CAWing – CAW, CAW – and they hold a meeting outside our bedroom window every early morning (before sunrise) and there’s always a heated dispute between a couple of ’em. It must be over the occasional nightly visits by our skunk – which yes, I have to get up in the middle of the night to close our window…which wakes my husband up. What are you doing? Can’t you smell that? Well, I can now. Thanks.

    • Maybe they’ll have sweeter smelling skunks and quieter birds in Oregon. Or maybe the windows will close with less noise in your new house.

      • Sandi says:

        As long as I can reach ’em! ahahaha. Currently, we have a 2 drawer cabinet, an old sewing machine work table for our printer to sit on…and a mobile AC floor unit (big sucker) in front of our window…and I’m 5′ 2.5″ and my arm doesn’t reach far – so I’m always trying to balance, and reach over things grunt as I try to slide the old window across. Hahahah It’s not uncommon to kick something in the process which results in a curse. See, so consider yourself fortunate your poor ears aren’t assaulted with foul language before you even open your eyes.

  2. Gibber says:

    Bahaha! Here it’s our neighbours hideously loud truck. I haven’t been able to sleep in our own bedroom for ever.

  3. GoofyEd says:

    She”won that round?” Think backas far as you can remember. Just when was the last time you won a round?

  4. Just Joan says:

    Considering that you have both bird and skunk issues, maybe your wife has a point about the window. Just saying. 🙂

  5. Ahdad says:

    Wife wins most rounds.

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