When I talk to my son, I try not to give him stereotypical parent-speak in reply to his questions. My hope is that he will learn to put thought into his words rather than repeat the things he hears most often, just to keep his voice prominent in conversations. This is the goal, but sometimes it is difficult to avoid backsliding. Sometimes, I find myself uttering phrases to him that are so hackneyed they could have been written in Hollywood.
We had a few people visiting our house. They were all unmarried, young adults. Our guests discussed among themselves the topic of whom they each were, or were not, dating. Since my son and I had little to add, we played while the grown-ups were talking. I didn’t think my son was paying any attention to the discussion, which means he drank in every word of it.
The next day, we had to drop my wife off at the home of one of our erstwhile visitors. After my wife exited the car, my son asked me, “Who lives here?”
“Jill.”
“Who’s Jill?”
“Remember the blonde-haired lady who was at our house yesterday?”
“Oh. That’s Jill?” There was short pause, followed by, “Daddy, do you think I should date her?”
After picking my jaw out of my lap and replacing it onto my face, I told him, “No.”
“Why not?”
This was my fatherly moment of truth. I could have used it to have an intelligent discussion with my son. I might even have taught him something. Let’s examine the options.
Intelligent thing #1 I could have said, but didn’t:
“Do you know what it means to date someone?”
This might have produced a meaningful discussion about relationships. Once he learned that dating has been known to lead to kissing, he would have thrown himself into reverse.
Intelligent thing #2 I could have said, but didn’t:
“Because four-year-olds, even if they are four-and-a-half, don’t date anyone.”
This would have allowed me to explain that, at his age, playing in the dirt is so much more fun than dating would be. Moreover, even as an adult, he would have dates when he wished he could just walk out and go fling himself into a dirt hole.
“Wha’d’ya say fellas? Should we go back to our dates or fling ourselves into this hole?” (Image: John Vachon/U.S. Farm Security Administration)
And the winner is . . . . .
Trite thing I blurted out without thinking:
“Because she’s old enough to be your mother.”
Every grown woman on Earth is old enough to be his mother. That doesn’t concern him because the boy has no idea what age has to do with dating. He doesn’t know the difference between dating and saying hello. I might as well have told him not to say hello to Jill because she’s old enough to be his mother.
It made that much sense, and yet I said it.
And he accepted it.
“Who should I date then?” he asked.
“Someone your own age, when you’re much, much, much older,” I said.
And we left it at that.
Don’t get tangled up with an experienced woman. She’ll only string you along.
Snoozing on the Sofa 
You’re a good dad! I’d have probably said something like she has a big ass or she’s 30 something and single for a reason, son!
What you say about them kids soaking everything in when you think they’re not listening is sooooo true! It’s fun to hear them say things and then try to trace back to the conversation where you believe they picked up whatever asinine thing it was they just said.
I just assumed she was too busy to meet quality people. That’s what they say on all the dating website commercials. And it’s on a commercial so it must be true.
Kids should come with a warning buzzer that goes off whenever they are picking up something they are sure to embarrass you with later.
Yes they should come with that buzzer. My son picked up the word “stupid” at school and promptly tried it out on his younger sister. One lovely day we’re out for a family walk and my daughter says at the top of our voice as we pass a fellow walker “Mommy, is dat lady STUPID?”
At least it was in the form of a question. That probably made it about 1% less embarrassing.
This is epic and awesome!
Thanks. Not really one of my smoothest fathering moments, though.
Agree, epic and awesome… The wonders of youth!
They don’t realize how good they have it, not having to worry about things like dating.
No kidding 🙂 Daoist philosophy has the goal of ‘returning to the mind of a child’ because it is simple and pure, but it is a place we can never return. Sigh… At least we do get to enjoy the wisdom of children as we watch them grow up.
I feel like I’m dragged back into the mind of a child every day!
If you’re a Daoist, that is a good thing! If not, well…good luck.
Well, at least he knows not to date much older women when he gets to date!
IF he gets to date. I’m starting to consider the priesthood for this one.
What are the chances your son will repeat your “trite thing” next time he sees Jill? Think of all the other things you could have said that would have been far worse.
So what, if it is repeated to Jill? Father did not say “She is too old”, father said “she is old enough to be your mother” – and I don’t think Jill would take any offense at that – it’s the truth and son is not even a school-kid. There is no offense there.
Agreed, there are always worse things to say than the trite thing, so Scott did his fatherly duty well.
You’re right. I could have said something worse. And yours is a good warning to all parents never to say anything in front of their children that they don’t want repeated at the most awkward moment.
Freshly Pressed! Nice one, Scott.
I don’t know how or why, but I’ll take it.
Reblogged this on sensodalin069 and commented:
Nice
Thanks for the added visibility!
That is so cute, I love it!
Thanks. The boy supplies the cute and I just write it down.
haha…your son is smart…and he did leave you tongue tied….it is funny but i hear ya!!!
congratulations on being freshly pressed
Thanks. He’s always testing to see if his old man can think on his feet. Sadly, the results are mixed.
Aww your son is cute…I appreciate your concern about him. Loved reading it. I don’t have child yet but I guess I would have to face the same….Kids are love !! Give a kiss to your son from me 🙂 Take care xx
Check my new blog at http://foodpeopleloveandstuff.wordpress.com/
If you plan to have kids, get ready for a wild ride. It’s well worth it though.
Your a pretty awesome father
Thanks. I think that same thing about once every month – for about 5 minutes.
Great piece, love your “being dad skills”. Well done and thanks for sharing.
Thanks for visiting. I’ve got ‘mad’ parenting skills. And by ‘mad’ I mean ‘insane.’
Cute! Very cute!
No wonder you replied the way you did. A four year old? Dating!? But children come up with things like that and we are only human and respond by giving not very clever answers.Sometimes. So we are not perfect but in the eyes of our children we are. (Almost). If we always had a wise answer to offer we might come across as too perfect even for our children. And back to your answer: what is wrong with it? The woman in question IS old enough to be his mother and I am pretty sure your son knows more about dating than you think. After all, he is four and a half ;-).
I can assure you that I am in no danger of being thought of as too perfect by my children. And yes, he’s the boy who knew too much – about dating and everything else.
made me smile today! Thanks.
Great! I love smiles!
great writing!
Thank you very much.
Your son is a hot ticket! I love that expression. My daughter is 4, and is always following around the boys her brothers bring home. She is more worried about them stealing her toys than dating, though. 🙂
Romance can wait. You gotta protect your toys.
🙂
Haha this made me laugh. A truly Fresh post!
Thanks. Four-year-olds have a special talent for keeping it fresh.
That is the single most brilliant thing you could have said, truly LOL.
You sir, are awesome.
If I’d been going for comic irony, yes, it might have been clever. Aw, hell, I’m just gonna say I was going for comic irony and agree with you. It was brilliant.
Haha, perhaps your subconscious was aiming for it?
Parenting gold, that one! 😀
That crazy, out-of-control subconscious!
Keep it alive, you can never go wrong 🙂
The reason that phrases are so used they become hackneyed is because they’re so good. There’s nothing stopping you from using it then in a year or two following up with the other, more intelligent things. Because at four, of course, the attention span is limited.
As for the other, how do you think children learn how to speak? They’re picking language skills well before they start speaking. The reason for that, is so that the parents don’t spell out words they don’t want their children to understand. Children are much smarter than we give them credit for. 🙂
Terrific post. Not enough daddy posts.
I’m sure we will have many dating talks over the years. I’m almost certain that I will say something mildly intelligent in one of them.
lol good
Thanks for visiting.
amazing…!!!
Thanks…!!!
Love this!
Thank you. Just another day in the life with a four-year-old.
Aww, this was sweet. 🙂
Thank you. The great thing about parenting is that even your mistakes can be happy memories.
I like your reply.
At least it was the truth.
You made me smile today lol.
Smiles are good. Thanks.
To understand children is very difficult…and it makes more difficult to make them understand what you think. Its a very good post and meaningful too.
There is a fine line between ‘very difficult’ and ‘impossible’. But I like your optimism.
You are so smart and witty!! I laughed so much as I read your article because it is hilarious…. from the eyes of kids. You handled it beautifully. Well done.
Cheers,
Magdalene
We can only laugh at moments like these, and I’m glad you did. Thanks.
[…] Dad, can I have a Sugar Mama?. […]
There are never smooth moments to parenting. Besides the things you “should” have said are never as good or heartfelt as the ones you actually do. My son asked me, at the tender age of 6 while out having lunch together, about sex…what did Mommy do? I pulled out my pen and drew the reproductive system on a napkin. He has never forgotten. I have never lived it down.
You had a lot of guts to draw it in pen. I would have needed to use a pencil, and there would have been a lot of erasing.
Reblogged this on Topicalposts.
Thanks for the reblog.
Reblogged this on A Northern Observer.
Thanks for reblogging.
I’m taking notes from this, since I plan to be the best dad ever, to counteract my dad’s misdeeds.
Let me guess: you’re filing this under “What not to do”.
I can only see myself saying something much worse to my own son
It’s one of the circumstances where you never know what you would do until the moment arrives.
haha love this! kids really do soak it all up and it makes life interesting. im not a parent but i’ve heard some awesome stories from my friends who have kids and i worked at a charter school for a couple of years. they really keep you on your toes. seems to me the good news is that at age 4, there is still plenty of time to have that talk and to “correct” how you approach it (thought i’m not being remotely critical of your approach). it’s hard to think on your feet and that particular question could have stumped anyone. 🙂 thanks for sharing.
Yes. For better or worse, there still is a lot of time left for me “correct” my approach. Poor kid is stuck with my fine tuning for a while to come.
lol well that’s okay; gotta have something to tell the therapist one day 🙂 or it would be one boring story
We don’t have any “therapist money” around here. He’s just gonna have to learn to mentally shake it off and keep on going.
well that will make him mentally tough and there’s nothing wrong with that 😉
Got to laugh, kids are so funny even when they are being themselves. As parents there will always be those moments where we have a list of possible replies/answers to the questions asked by our children……. which reply to use is often the hardest question to answer.
I think I need a better list of possible replies to his questions.
Haha, I love and can relate to your line: Sometimes, I find myself uttering phrases to him that are so hackneyed they could have been written in Hollywood.
I have learned when I’m shocked by whatever they’re asking for clarification on to simply ask them “What does it mean to you?!” It buys time to collect my jaw off the floor along with my thoughts, and when I realize that to them Sex means giving a girl a kiss, it saves me from a long speech that will have us both squirming!
Buying yourself a little extra time to think is crucial. Sometimes I am good at this, and sometimes clearly I am not.
Is there ever a right or a wrong answer? Yours did the job for the time being.
The point is you never know what your son got out of that conversation. The perspective of kids are really shocking at times 🙂 Do let us know if there are any follow up conversations.
You’re right: nobody was permanently scarred during the exchange. I guess that’s the important thing.
I love this! I think it must be difficult to always be able to say the correct thing to your kid in the right situation. I have a godson and he is always asking me things I don’t know how to answer, I try to be as honest (with discretion) as possible but sometimes I just blurt out the most random things like one time he asked me why we couldn’t go to the park (I was very tired and enjoying a conversation with his mother) and I just said “Because of quantum” and he totally dropped the matter. I like to think that my inherent quirkiness will add depth to his character as he grows up, but I do worry that it might turn him into ‘that weird kid’.
At least that weird kid will have a deep character.
True, me and my feance spent some time with him at the beach toady and It does amaze me how much character he has, much more so (to be brutally honest) than his parents. I hope he never loses that spark
Show him what character looks like every chance you get.
“Wha’d’ya say fellas? Should we go back to our dates or fling ourselves into this hole?”
Love this part!
A question that comes up all too often during the dating game.
So would that be an acceptable thing to say when breaking up with someone? “Sorry, I’d rather fling myself into a hole than be here with you.”
Only if it’s the truth.
That was very cute!
Kids can be that way . . . sometimes.
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