Remember this guy?
“Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?”
When you have to say “I don’t know,” but you want to appear wise about your own ignorance.
Mr. Owl is almost as old as I am. The Tootsie Pops he’s selling are older. Tootsie Pops were my favorite lollipop in those days. My boys seem to enjoy them as much as I did.
In all the years I’ve been eating Tootsie Pops, one thing has never changed: the chocolate ones (wrapped in the brown paper) are horrible.
All the other flavors are delightful, but the brown ones just plain suck. Even the texture is off-putting. The worst part is the brown always seem to be the most plentiful color in the bag.
How did an orange one survive this long?
This is a photo of our candy bowl. It could have been a photo of any waning stash of Tootsie Pops from my childhood. The other colors disappear but the brown ones just sit there forever. Eight kids grew up in my house. We competed like wolves for treats. The brown ones collected dust.
Today, the tradition continues. Big Man is our most avid fan of Tootsie Pops. Whenever I see him with one, I tell him he shouldn’t be eating that color. “The [insert non-brown color] ones are for me,” I say. “I bought the brown ones especially for you. Those are the ones you should eat.”
He laughs like that’s the most ridiculous thing ever mentioned to him. “No. The brown ones are yours,” he answers. “You have to eat them.”
For a long time, I wouldn’t buy bags of Tootsie Pops simply because I feared my house would become full of uneaten brown ones and I’d have to move my family to a place with more storage.
But the orange ones won’t stop calling my name.
I stave off temptation as long as I can, but between me and a bag of Tootsie Pops I’m the biggest sucker.
Why do they keep filling the bags with the awful brown ones?
The world may never know.
Snoozing on the Sofa 
I am stunned. Brown ones were my favorites. Interchangeably with red. Cherry ones are probably slightly ahead now. But brown are a close second. I HATED dark blue. Still do. Grape, eh, sour and all. And it seemed like my bags were always filled with mostly the grape ones! Give me your browns and I’ll give you my blues?
Consider it done. I’ve never known anyone who liked the brown ones. So I’ve been getting the bags meant for you. I’ve never gotten a bag with more orange than brown.
Have you not learned with three kids? Just tell them that they can have anyone except the brown ones. The brown ones are off limits because they are yours and your favourite. Call it reverse psychology or forbidden fruit. I’ll bet they get eaten..
If only my kids were as dumb as that. I’d get all the best treats.
Aha! Lucky you. Smart kids!
I can’t believe this is the first thing I’ve ever read about the brown ones, but you bring up some very good points. Perhaps we could forward this to the Tootsie Roll Company. Then again, I just read that chocolate was the first flavor, invented in 1931. Damn.
Glad you enjoyed the groundbreaking analysis. I’d be okay with it if they wanted to put just one brown one in each bag for old time’s sake. But they don’t need to have every bag dominated by them.
🙂
Brown comes with a lot of baggage… it’s the color of rotten bananas, burnt toast, dead plants, mud, dog poop, 1970’s Buick station wagons decorated with faux paneling. No wonder the brown Tootsie Pops have been shunned. (The only notable exceptions to the brown rule are coffee and expensive chocolate bars.) Save the offending suckers in a Ziploc bag and pass them out to your trick-or-treaters. Bonus: you won’t have to buy Halloween candy ever again because nobody will come to your house. 🙂
The irony is I love chocolate. It just isn’t a great fit for hard candy. I’m sure a neighborhood full of house-skipping trick or treaters would agree.
Oh, my, Scott. I adored the brown ones, taste and texture. To each their own Tootsie Pop favorite.
Must be a downstate thing, Mark. I never had anyone tell me they liked the brown ones until now.
I it were not for the success of “original chocolate” tootsie rolls, you would nor need worry about alternative flavors. Long live the original.
I like the chocolate tootsie rolls. It’s the chocolate Tootsie Pops that trouble me. Where else do you ever see chocolate flavored hard candy?
In my opinion, Scott, you need to write a letter to the Tootsie Roll Pops company. Complain about the brown and encourage them to include more orange. Just saying…
I’ll put it on my list of crank letters I need to write. So many complaints, so little time!
Loved tootsie pops and never got enough of the browns!
My goodness! I had never heard anyone say they preferred the brown ones until I wrote this post. Now you brown fans are coming out of the woodwork!