Mr. Owl, why do they keep making brown Tootsie Pops?

Remember this guy?

“Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?”

Wise

When you have to say “I don’t know,” but you want to appear wise about your own ignorance.

Mr. Owl is almost as old as I am. The Tootsie Pops he’s selling are older. Tootsie Pops were my favorite lollipop in those days. My boys seem to enjoy them as much as I did.

In all the years I’ve been eating Tootsie Pops, one thing has never changed: the chocolate ones (wrapped in the brown paper) are horrible.

All the other flavors are delightful, but the brown ones just plain suck. Even the texture is off-putting. The worst part is the brown always seem to be the most plentiful color in the bag.

study in brown

How did an orange one survive this long?

This is a photo of our candy bowl. It could have been a photo of any waning stash of Tootsie Pops from my childhood. The other colors disappear but the brown ones just sit there forever. Eight kids grew up in my house. We competed like wolves for treats. The brown ones collected dust.

Today, the tradition continues. Big Man is our most avid fan of Tootsie Pops. Whenever I see him with one, I tell him he shouldn’t be eating that color. “The [insert non-brown color] ones are for me,” I say. “I bought the brown ones especially for you. Those are the ones you should eat.”

He laughs like that’s the most ridiculous thing ever mentioned to him. “No. The brown ones are yours,” he answers. “You have to eat them.”

For a long time, I wouldn’t buy bags of Tootsie Pops simply because I feared my house would become full of uneaten brown ones and I’d have to move my family to a place with more storage.

But the orange ones won’t stop calling my name.

I stave off temptation as long as I can, but between me and a bag of Tootsie Pops I’m the biggest sucker.

Why do they keep filling the bags with the awful brown ones?

The world may never know.

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16 comments on “Mr. Owl, why do they keep making brown Tootsie Pops?

  1. floatinggold says:

    I am stunned. Brown ones were my favorites. Interchangeably with red. Cherry ones are probably slightly ahead now. But brown are a close second. I HATED dark blue. Still do. Grape, eh, sour and all. And it seemed like my bags were always filled with mostly the grape ones! Give me your browns and I’ll give you my blues?

  2. Gibber says:

    Have you not learned with three kids? Just tell them that they can have anyone except the brown ones. The brown ones are off limits because they are yours and your favourite. Call it reverse psychology or forbidden fruit. I’ll bet they get eaten..

  3. thegsandwich says:

    I can’t believe this is the first thing I’ve ever read about the brown ones, but you bring up some very good points. Perhaps we could forward this to the Tootsie Roll Company. Then again, I just read that chocolate was the first flavor, invented in 1931. Damn.

  4. Just Joan says:

    Brown comes with a lot of baggage… it’s the color of rotten bananas, burnt toast, dead plants, mud, dog poop, 1970’s Buick station wagons decorated with faux paneling. No wonder the brown Tootsie Pops have been shunned. (The only notable exceptions to the brown rule are coffee and expensive chocolate bars.) Save the offending suckers in a Ziploc bag and pass them out to your trick-or-treaters. Bonus: you won’t have to buy Halloween candy ever again because nobody will come to your house. 🙂

  5. markbialczak says:

    Oh, my, Scott. I adored the brown ones, taste and texture. To each their own Tootsie Pop favorite.

  6. GoofyEd says:

    I it were not for the success of “original chocolate” tootsie rolls, you would nor need worry about alternative flavors. Long live the original.

  7. AmyRose🌹 says:

    In my opinion, Scott, you need to write a letter to the Tootsie Roll Pops company. Complain about the brown and encourage them to include more orange. Just saying…

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