Our six-year-old had to be prodded into starting his Christmas list. Having to write down words and ideas is so far below the dignity of a First Grade scholar. It’s much easier to watch toy commercials and say “I want that!” at the conclusion of each.
Once begun, he threw himself into the spirit of his list. He learned he could be more specific in his desires when they were the fruits of his own mind rather than the mass market spit balls of the Toy Industrial Complex.
Those who haven’t been following along may find it odd that four lines on the list call specifically for German items. The rest of us are relieved that it is only four items. This leaves several items that Santa could plausibly supply to a child in the United States.
I’ve contacted Santa. Following is his assessment of the likelihood of supplying each listed item:
A German Subway Set – Santa’s Response: “WTF?”
What makes a toy subway German? And what makes a train set into a subway? Are you planning to set this up in a crawl space under the floor? How would the kid even play with that?
A Police Car with Sirens that can light up – Santa’s Response: “At least this makes sense.”
But doesn’t this kid already have police cars, some with sirens that light up. And aren’t most of them neglected or broken?
A German Army Truck and Helicopter – Santa’s Response: “Kids in Germany don’t even ask for that.”
An army truck and/or helicopter I could probably do, but now I’ve got to have flags painted on them? The elves aren’t good with flags.
An iPad – Santa’s Response: “Yeah . . . No.”
$o many reasons; $o little time.
A German Army Suit with a Beret (Side note: I wondered why he asked how to spell beret) – Santa’s Response: “This request has been filed with German Subway Set.”
Such a shame. We have tons of children’s French Army uniforms with berets, but fresh out of German.
A Call of Duty KREO Set – Santa’s Response: “Well, KREO are cheaper than LEGOs.”
So if there is such a thing as a Call of Duty KREO set, well, maybe.
A Nintendo 3DS – Santa’s Response: “Is that a real thing?”
I lost track when the elves were still making the original DS? We’re up to 3 now? Can it be Japanese, or does that have to be German too?
An MSU Football Costume – Santa’s Response: “Great choice of team, but how about we start out with a sweatshirt or some pajamas?”
He’ll get a full uniform when he makes the team. Go Green!
A Star Wars LEGO Set – Santa’s Response: “Didn’t he just get a bunch of those for his birthday?”
Maybe if they have a good sale.
A Boom Co Blaster – Santa’s Response: “Isn’t this just a poorer quality Nerf gun?”
And aren’t there already tons of lost Nerf gun darts hiding behind all the furniture in your house?
A World War I German Army Helmet – Santa’s Response: “Cool. I’d like one of those, myself.”
But has he checked prices online? Are his parents willing to give up their first-born child in exchange? Does he realize who their first-born child is?
I’m not sure what happened to the last entry. He probably wants something he has no hope of spelling. Maybe I’ll just get him something that starts with B. Or maybe I’ll fill it in with A Big Lump of Coal – German Coal.