They don’t make it easy on Santa

Our six-year-old had to be prodded into starting his Christmas list. Having to write down words and ideas is so far below the dignity of a First Grade scholar. It’s much easier to watch toy commercials and say “I want that!” at the conclusion of each.

Once begun, he threw himself into the spirit of his list. He learned he could be more specific in his desires when they were the fruits of his own mind rather than the mass market spit balls of the Toy Industrial Complex.

xmass list_Page_1 xmass list_Page_2

Those who haven’t been following along may find it odd that four lines on the list call specifically for German items. The rest of us are relieved that it is only four items. This leaves several items that Santa could plausibly supply to a child in the United States.

I’ve contacted Santa. Following is his assessment of the likelihood of supplying each listed item:

A German Subway SetSanta’s Response: “WTF?”

What makes a toy subway German? And what makes a train set into a subway? Are you planning to set this up in a crawl space under the floor? How would the kid even play with that?

A Police Car with Sirens that can light upSanta’s Response: “At least this makes sense.”

But doesn’t this kid already have police cars, some with sirens that light up. And aren’t most of them neglected or broken?

A German Army Truck and HelicopterSanta’s Response: “Kids in Germany don’t even ask for that.”

An army truck and/or helicopter I could probably do, but now I’ve got to have flags painted on them? The elves aren’t good with flags.

An iPadSanta’s Response: “Yeah . . . No.”

$o many reasons; $o little time.

A German Army Suit with a Beret (Side note: I wondered why he asked how to spell beret) – Santa’s Response: “This request has been filed with German Subway Set.”

Such a shame. We have tons of children’s French Army uniforms with berets, but fresh out of German.

A Call of Duty KREO SetSanta’s Response: “Well, KREO are cheaper than LEGOs.”

So if there is such a thing as a Call of Duty KREO set, well, maybe.

A Nintendo 3DSSanta’s Response: “Is that a real thing?”

I lost track when the elves were still making the original DS? We’re up to 3 now? Can it be Japanese, or does that have to be German too?

An MSU Football CostumeSanta’s Response: “Great choice of team, but how about we start out with a sweatshirt or some pajamas?”

He’ll get a full uniform when he makes the team. Go Green!

A Star Wars LEGO SetSanta’s Response: “Didn’t he just get a bunch of those for his birthday?”

Maybe if they have a good sale.

A Boom Co BlasterSanta’s Response: “Isn’t this just a poorer quality Nerf gun?”

And aren’t there already tons of lost Nerf gun darts hiding behind all the furniture in your house?

A World War I German Army HelmetSanta’s Response: “Cool. I’d like one of those, myself.”

But has he checked prices online? Are his parents willing to give up their first-born child in exchange? Does he realize who their first-born child is?

***

I’m not sure what happened to the last entry. He probably wants something he has no hope of spelling. Maybe I’ll just get him something that starts with B. Or maybe I’ll fill it in with A Big Lump of Coal – German Coal.

 

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30 comments on “They don’t make it easy on Santa

  1. Not bad. Have you checked Ebay? My kids sat on Santas lap this year and asked for: A nerf dart gun (J) and a yo-yo (K). Santa must have thought my children were Tiny Tim and his little sister. At least they’re easy to please, I suppose.

  2. The short form of the province of Alberta up here in Canada is AB. My first thought was that your kid is asking for a big piece of my country, not to mention the most oil laden part. Pretty sure Santa is not going to start giving away chunks of Canada, at least I hope not!

  3. pjmcc2014 says:

    Imagine the chaos if Santa was able to grant all the little ones wishes.. Lol..

  4. tom w says:

    A book would be much easier to wrap than a German WWI army helmet.

  5. susieq512 says:

    Has this kid been watching a lot of World War II movies made in Germany? It’s difficult to coax gut-busting laughter out of me before 6:30 a.m. and a full pot of coffee, but you did it.

  6. Those German helmets are cheap in Berlin. So all you need to do is fly over there, pick up a helmet in a tourist store for about 10 euros and then fly back.

  7. markbialczak says:

    I’d like to ask you your heritage, Snoozer, but that would be ethically insensitive, perhaps.

    And then I figured I’d suggest ordering a bunch of cool-looking military stuff made in China for this kiddo of yours.

    Maybe he meant a German submarine? A sub sandwich made with German ham? Do they even have subways in Germany? You have an interesting 6-year-old, that’s for sure. An iPad? I didn’t get an iPad from my wife until my 54th birthday.

  8. momocular says:

    My 5-year-old wants a “real, live minion.” (Who doesn’t, though?) Poor Santa!

  9. pieterk515 says:

    All righty then…Maybe you should have ask Santa to rob a World War II museum…

    In the end…the more important question…what did he end up getting from Santa?

  10. Hilarious! The train driving through the crawlspace… LOL! I miss those days when my kids were little. No, just kidding, I don’t really. Because now they’re teenagers… wait maybe I do miss those days…

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