Give a blog some credit

It’s not uncommon for the average blogger to wonder if a post is worthy of being published, or if the blog itself is Internet-worthy. Is it click-worthy, reader-worthy, subscriber-worthy? There are no documents sent to a blog from any supervising authority to prove its content is worthy. A blogger might never know for sure.

Thanks to Big Business, there is one thing I can be sure my blog is worthy of, and that is a $25,000 line of credit. Snoozing on the Sofa is now officially creditworthy.

How do I know this? Because the fine people at American Express have told me so.

Just the funding I need to open that blog gift shop I’ve always wanted.

You will please note that this is not the common #10 envelope for blogs that are just barely creditworthy. This is the large, thick stock envelope, reserved for blogs whose worthiness is beyond reproach. Then too, there is the gold embossed promise of BIG REWARDS, which is not for just any run-of-the-mill blog. And, in case you missed it, American Express does not waste time instructing nobodies as to which end of the envelope to open. Only the special blogs receive that level of concierge service.

I did not accept the offer of credit. I figured this blog should probably open a bank account first. Then, it can save up all its birthday money to pay its American Express bill. Besides, playing hard-to-get might encourage them to sweeten the deal.

Sure enough. A few weeks later, this came.

I feel bad for all the schmucks who settled for 4X.

Picture the top American Express executives huddling in their conference room, lamenting the lack of response to their initial offer and brainstorming ways to entice the coveted blog.

Executive in the blue suit: “We haven’t heard anything back from Snoozing on the Sofa. I’m getting worried.”

Executive in the bluer suit: “Well, we’ve never done this before, but I think we should offer 5X points on eligible travel.”

Executive in the bluest suit: “It’s utterly unprecedented, but if we don’t do it, I’m afraid those jackals at Discover Card will. American Express will not be outbid on eligible travel. Not on my watch. Make the offer.”

I was expecting 2, maybe 3X points on eligible travel. Who would have dreamed of such a carrot as 5X points on eligible travel? Wow, it’s nice to be wanted.

Even to a blog lacking a bank account, American Express was making an offer hard to refuse. Well, it would have been hard to refuse if Snoozing on the Sofa hadn’t realized it travels all over the world via the Internet already, and it doesn’t need any points on eligible travel to do so. Maybe American Express should start offering 5X points on eligible WordPress theme upgrades.

All is not lost. We’ll still be wanted by other organizations. Snoozing on the Sofa will turn six at the end of this year, and that’s about the age when AARP starts soliciting for new members.

The blog days of August

The blogging world slows down in the summer. Some bloggers take a vacation. Some try to rediscover the real world. I, on the other hand, have just been slacking. It’s not my fault though. I blame society, because society is convenient to blame for everything, with its constant breakdowns. But mostly I blame this intellectually stifling season called summer.

It’s harder to get motivated to write in summer.

First of all, it tends to get hot and it’s harder to think when you’re hot. My best ideas leak out through my sweat glands in summer. Then, all I’m left with are horrible images of an old man perspiring. When the humidity hits, I start thinking again. I start thinking about the mechanics of breathing. I start thinking about how sweating like a pig is supposed to cool a body down. Lying science!

I can't do my work.

I can’t do my work.

The boys want to be outside, running around like maniacs who laugh in the face of the heat index, instead of staying cooped up in the house where I can easily hear and see the funny things they say and do. They become totally selfish and don’t care at all about their responsibility to give me good blog material.

Since between one and two of the children are too young to be outside, running around like unsupervised maniacs, I find myself always outside running around like a supervising maniac, preventing kids from changing neighborhoods like the wind. I can’t type while jogging, let alone at a full sprint. We might be outside until dark, which is practically tomorrow in summer.

As Captain Oates famously said, "I am just going outside and may be some time." It should be noted that Capt. Oates was never seen again, and it wasn't even hot weather.

As Captain Oates famously said, “I am just going outside and may be some time.” It should be noted that Capt. Oates was never seen again, and it wasn’t even hot weather.

Then they want to stay up late, because, hey, there’s no school in the morning and it’s still kind of light outside. This leaves me hardly any time at all for a muse-provoking scotch on the rocks, because, hey, there is work in the morning and it’s going to take me two hours to fall asleep in this heat. Kids tend to supply zero writing prompts when they are standing between you and a quiet nightcap.

This makes me grumpy. When you are hot, sticky, and grumpy, it is the perfect time to write – if you are due to fire off another angry letter to the electric company. When you are grumpy, you tend to lash out at people, which is just what the utilities need and expect. Unfortunately, utilities probably make up a minority of your blog audience. So you should probably just go to bed and stew in your own juices until you fall asleep, as figuratively as you can manage.

All of this not thinking and not writing leads to large gaps between blog posts. This is not the end of the world because your audience is outside playing and getting heat stroke too.  The real problem comes when you get frustrated and give up on the thinking altogether because you figure you can still do the  writing without it. That only ever leads to a third-rate blog post.

And I hope you enjoyed it.