Life as an interchangeable part

Toddlers have a way with words. Their own way with their own words. They are some of the few people on Earth who say exactly what they mean. Pity we can’t understand any of it.

Our one-year-old has mastered his pronunciation of the words Mama and Dada. This was a happy milestone, until we realized that he was using them interchangeably when addressing his mother and me. I might have been Dada when I left for work in the morning and Mama by the time I got home again. Now, I sometimes forget to bring things home from work, but I’ve never yet left my Dada parts at the office.

Likewise, my wife can go from Mama to Dada without me perceiving a difference in her appearance, and I’m fairly well-informed regarding her anatomy. Buster might bump his knee and cry out for his mother’s loving arms with the plea, “Mama!” After the tears dry, he might tap her on the arm and point out to that very same Dada just exactly where he had hurt his leg.

We recalled Buster’s big brother going through a phase of development where he too threw these terms around without regard to gender, so we bided our time. Still, we took pains to point out which name goes with which parent whenever Buster seemed inclined to listen to our gibberish.

snowball school

Making a snowball with his brother, whose name he always gets right.

This went on until my wife proved again why she is the smart parent. “I don’t think he’s actually referring to us when he says Mama or Dada,” she explained. “I think Mama means help and Dada means look.”

Upon careful reflection, it all fell into place. Whenever he was distraught, he called out “Mama!” When he wanted to point something out, he did so to Dada, regardless of the parent at hand.

It’s nice to imagine that Mama and Dada are baby’s first words, but that doesn’t seem wholly accurate here. He’s been spouting words that don’t mimic adult speech for months, and they all mean something to him. You don’t preach with such fire and brimstone if the words don’t mean anything to you. Are Mama and Dada truly first words because they sound like words we know, even if they don’t mean what we think they should?

When it comes to valid communication, Buster’s first real word is juice. We have it; he wants it. Nothing could be plainer than his demand when he plants himself in front of the fridge and says, “Juice!” He need not be concerned whether it’s Help or Look who’s in the kitchen with him. We both have reached the stage of development where we understand the proper meaning of juice.

Thank God his parents are finally catching on to this language thing. He was beginning to worry about us.

If only we would reach developmental milestones that allowed us to understand more words, he would be much less concerned about our progress as parents.

Happy New Year! Now, here’s something you could work on

I’ve never made a New Year’s resolution. This year, I am going to break tradition and make some resolutions I think would make me a happier person. They may be difficult and take a lot of hard work to accomplish, but that makes them worthwhile, right? I am committed to these resolutions, foremost because they are not for me. They’re for my family.

Let’s all pitch in and make the world a better place for Daddy. Here is one thing that each of you could focus on to make Daddy happier, bust most of all, to make yourselves more fulfilled people.

The Five-year-old

Eliminate “But I really want to!” as your standard response every time Daddy tells you you’re not allowed to do something. Daddy knows you really want to, at least he functions under the assumption that you don’t ask for things you don’t want just for the thrill of seeking permission. Daddy has reasons for not allowing you to do everything you want to do, and none of those reasons is that he didn’t know how much you wanted to do them. Over time, you’ll begin to understand these reasons, if you really want to.

Corollary: That little whiny sound you make in your nose, after Daddy says no the second time, has to go as well.

The One-year-old

Can you refrain from saving up all your sweet, I Love You So Much, Daddy moments for the last minute before Daddy has to leave for work? Yes, Daddy loves those times when you want to cling to him and rest your head on his shoulder, but he’s going to be late for work. Maybe if you would take a short break from hitting people and throwing stuff in the evenings, you could give Daddy a nice, drawn-out hug when he has time to enjoy it, rather than breaking his heart and endangering the family finances every morning.

Corollary: A break from the hitting people and throwing stuff would probably be good, no matter how you otherwise use that time.

Heart and soul throw

Always with the throwing.

Mr. Cool

When you’re not hitting or throwing, you’re too cool to show Daddy a little tenderness when he’s free to enjoy it.

The Minus-four-month-old

This is a big year for you. You’ll get to come out and play with your brothers. We’re all looking forward to that. Along those lines, maybe you could resolve to go a little easier on your mother than your brothers did when they were trying to get out. See, when Mommy has it rough, Daddy pays a price for it too. That’s what we’re trying to avoid here.

The Mommy

I know you want your children to grow up rich in experiences, but in 2014 could we please resolve to miss just one family-friendly, free event. You unearth a lot of free events, a damned lot of them. Would it be so bad to just stay home a let one of them slip by without hunting it down like a dog? I agree, free is good, but you know what else if free? Rest.

Does your goat bite?

Like it! It’s free!

That seems like a healthy set of resolutions. I feel better already.