Q. What are Mega Bloks Call of Duty sets?
A. Mega Bloks, if you are not steeped in the world of expensive plastic squares, are a competitor to LEGO. Call of Duty is the paramilitary wing of Mega Bloks.
Q. What’s the difference between Mega Bloks and LEGOs?
A. Mega Bloks are cheaper than LEGOs in proportion to how much harder their instructions are to follow.
Q. Is there anything else people should know about Mega Bloks?
A. Yes. Although the pieces are segregated into about a dozen different plastic bags, in order to complete Step 1 of construction, you will need exactly one piece from each of the dozen bags, necessitating that you dump all 324,943 pieces out into one omnibus pile.
Q. What is the best time to build a Mega Bloks Call of Duty helicopter?
A. When Daddy is home alone with a six-year-old, a two-year-old, and an eight-month old. Preferably late afternoon of a frigid day when you have been cooped up in the house for hours together already.
Q. Where is the best place to build your set?
A. The dining room table. No other surface will hold the 324,943 pieces.
Q. Isn’t it too close to dinner to spread that all out over the dining room table?
A. Work fast or eat on the floor.
Q. Why can’t Big Brother (6) build this set by himself?
A. He could have, if Daddy had been smart enough to shell out the extra cash for LEGOs, with their at least partially-discernable instructions.
Q. What did Big Brother do to help?
A. Big Brother snapped together pieces at random so that whenever Daddy looked for a specific piece it was sure to be cleverly disguised within some abstract sculpture.
Q. What did Buster (2) do to help?
A. Buster loaded some crucial pieces into the back of his toy truck and quietly drove them to a different room.
Q. What did New Baby (<1) do to help?
A. New Baby crawled around the perimeter of the table, patrolling for any fallen pieces that might look good to eat. He also sneaked away at one point to the kitchen where he pulled a used bag of microwave popcorn from the garbage, spilling unpopped kernels all over the floor. These also looked good to eat, which provided Daddy with a nice break from his work as he sprinted from the dining room to the kitchen. You shouldn’t sit in one place for too long.
Q. Did the children do anything else helpful?
A. Lots. Big Brother and Buster got into a fight every 10 minutes over the helicopter pilots and their tiny guns and equipment so that Daddy could have something to break up the monotony of searching for missing pieces.
Q. Is Daddy supposed to yell so much when playing with the kids?
A. Everyone has a different method of family fun.
Q. Will this become a regular activity?
A. Only after Daddy has died and gone to Hell.