I am a forty-something man who came to marriage and parenthood later than most. My wife and I have a preschool son and baby boy. I don’t know how I possibly could have handled marriage or parenthood in my younger days, before the wisdom of age taught me how to deal with such shady characters as wives and children.
My older son is very gifted. He has a special talent for discovering words that are inappropriate and using them creatively for maximum effect. He is also very efficient in explaining the rhyme and reason to his actions. If we ask him why he did something, he is almost certain to reply, “Because I did,” which I find both straightforward and philosophical. It is like saying, “I am, therefore I broke Mommy’s crystal vase,” only in more concise language. And when you think about it, why did any little boy break his mommy’s crystal vase? Because that’s why little boys are made–because he is. Ergo, “Because I did.” Duh! He certainly must wonder why we continue to ask such foolish questions.
My wife loves me very much. Sometimes I think she is about to love me to death, but mostly she just loves me to high anxiety. Her goal is to make certain that I do not grow stale within the narrow confines of my comfort zone, so she regularly attacks my comfort zone with a sledge-hammer. This is the comfort zone that I spent most of the first four decades of my life building. It is a significant and carefully laid out fortress, but she is relentless in her siege. Consequently, I find myself in uncomfortable circumstances much more than when I was single. These instances, she tells me, are the result of me breaking free of my lifelong fetters and finally feeling alive. Furthermore, she expects thanks for providing me with these many refreshing discomforts.
As for me, I’m just another father, struggling to make heads or tails of this life of raising children. Just when I learn the procedure, it all changes, and I have to start school all over again. Consequently, I make a lot of mistakes, or at least this is what I am told by the parent who is in charge of scoring my performance. At least I don’t ever have to wonder how I’m doing. I guess that’s the good thing about being a father. Fathers don’t have to wonder about how well they are parenting. There is always somebody watching over their shoulder, telling them just exactly what they are doing wrong.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Very good post. I’m considering sharing it with my husband but then he might think he has an ally in the fortress…;) Give your wife the benefit of the doubt…she doesn’t mean to crush your soul…she’s just trying to do the best, right thing all the time. At least that’s how I justify it to myself…
Yes, she means well, in her soul-crushing kind of way.
I did share with my husband…he says you are blogging his life, whatever THAT means…
I’m sure it’s just another one of those crazy things husbands say. It’s probably best just to smile and nod.
Hi, Scott — So, because you continually amuse and offer a certain twisted insight that I, a fellow 40-something father, can relate to… and because I really enjoy your writing … I am passing along my nomination for you to receive the Liebster Award. Will it change your life? Probably not. However, it’s a cool tradition, passed from one blogger to another, to say “Hey, I really like your stuff.” There are some criteria, which can be found at this link http://nedhickson.wordpress.com/about/liebster-award. There are some questions to answer and you have the honor of passing this recognition along to other bloggers. That said, thanks for what you do. Cheers, — Ned
Thanks, Ned, for the nomination and the compliments. I am notorious for not being a very graceful recipient of high honors, but I will try my best to live up to this award. It may take me a little while to figure out who to pass it on to, without inspiring a restraining order, but I will give it careful consideration. Meanwhile, I anxiously await having my life not changed.
That’s exactly the right attitude to have in order to avoid letting this thing go to your head. I knew I had made a wise decision.
I find your blog to be both hilarious and oh-so-true, so I am nominating you for the Versatile Blogger Award. http://raffertysrules.wordpress.com/2013/03/07/versatile-blogger-award/
Thanks so much! I’m heading over to check out the details on your link right now.
Hi!
Just wanted to let you know that I’ve nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award. You can see my nomination here: http://mommagonemad.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/id-like-to-thank-the-little-people/
Keep up the great work!
Leila
Leila,
Thank you very much for the nomination. I just did an awards post with the past couple of weeks, so I probably won’t be doing another one real soon. Still, I am very grateful that you think enough of this blog to nominate it. It certainly is an honor that I value.
BTW, my favorite author is James Thurber; that’s probably not very surprising.
Thanks again,
Scott
I too, did the “First-time Dad at 40″ thing. Brings both good and bad… The good is, at least now I am too lazy and tired to make a run for it – and I can afford it. Bad side is, by he time my ons were ‘cognative’ of me, they saw me as the “old guy in his mid 50′s”. Forget 3-1/2 years in SEAL Team 2, or playing QB for a major college… By the time they were ready to size me up, all my amazing skills and bravado had been drained away by marriage, elementary school plays, and Father Time just kicking my butt for good measure. You seem to have the right attitude though- might as well ride it out and have some fun along the way too !
Yes. Lots of random muscle aches. I sometimes find myself envious of fathers my age who have children old enough to pour their own juice.